The past 24 hours or so have been interestin.  Last night I hauled out Elroy and slept with him.   For those of you unaware Elroy is a stuffie Dann gave me.  I still love it oodles and oodles.  And the bear I usually sleep with is getting old and its fur is starting to get rough so its not so cuddly anymore.  The great thing about Elroy is he has no fur so he doesn't get rough.  And Elroy has been there to sop up many a tears but also for many happy moments.  He even went to FL with me, the elephant kicks ass.  Anyway after me and Dann stopped doing whatever we were doing I threw Elroy into my closet and haven't slept with him since.  But I missed him combined with Danns op today I decided to haul him out last night. 

Then I had the wierdest/best dream ever.  In my dream I went to the library to get toothpaste.  But the toothpaste was special because it was foam and red and tasted like bubble gum.  After I got it I brushed my teeth (I actually tasted it in my dream. so odd..) and then I talked to Adam on the phone and he said he was gonna come pick me up and we were gonna go do something.  Adam got there but he looked like Kurt Cobain.  He had like the long scraggly hair and everything.  In my dream I didn't relieze he looked like Kurt though, I just kept looking at him and thinking wow he looks different... but he still acted like Adam so I loveded him just as much.  And not that Kurt was a bad lookin man, infact I have a large poster of him near my bed cause he was hella hot with that guitar and all angry and dirty and singin... ahhh... the goodness.  But it was just wierd to see Adam as Kurt.

Then I went to work and it was hella fun today.  There was much slacking off.  Between rubber band wars, to Jill getting out the fart putty, me bringing in some cake, and listening to like an hour talk about Stacies man problems it was interesting.  And there was a hella big fire at the Rainbow Day care, at first I just heard day care and I got worried about my Rachie but then someone said it was Rainbow and  she works at kids college, but Alannah works and Rainbow so I was not so happy.  And I got paid today and tomorrow I'm getting my hair highlighted and cut so its super cool cause I need it hella bad!!! 

Then I went to the mall, bought some stuff from claires on the 10 for $5 rack cause thats all I can afford in that damn store.

Oh and when I was at work Stacy and Jill started in on me about the guy Trevor that came to work like a week ago.  You may remember him from an old post about how much I got harped on about it by Becky when I didn't do anything.  Damn old people... anyway they like forcefully gave me his screen name, Jill even wrote it down for me and shoved it in my face.  And I added him and he was on but I didn't get around to talk to him before he got off.  Oh well, I don't have work tomorrow.  I just have to talk to him by next tuesday.  And all I have to say is like hi, and then maybe Jill will shut up. 

I hope Adam gets on tonight.  I wanna bug him.  See the girls at the office don't like Adam at all, in fact they hate him.  For good reason too cause he was all smoochin on Rachel Scott and stood me up kinda yeah he did I guess.  Unfortunatly, somehow, I can't hate him.  I'm trying, but its hard.  Its very very hard.

Thats all for now, I shall close with some The Darkness lyrics.

*Reverie*

The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met and I knew that to you and into your life I had to get.  I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand, an assault my defences systematically failed to withstand.  'Cause you came at a time when the pursuit of one true love in which to fall was the be all and end all.  Love is only a feeling, drifting away.  When I'm in your arms I start believing, it's here to stay.  But love is only a feeling... Anyway.  The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved.  I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed; that the light of my life would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by.  Just to beam on you and I.  Love is only a feeling, drifting away.  When I'm in your arms I start believing, it's here to stay.  But love is only a feeling anyway.
 
-Love Is Only A Feeling, The Darkness

I went to work today.  I stuffed envelopes.  I stuffed a little under 2,000 envelopes.  My hands were tired.  I don't feel like typing tonight. 

hahaha That was wierd, I couldn't leave my blog on such an odd note.  I talked to Adam today, it was fun.  I've missed him oodles and oodles.  He's away now, I wish he would come back cause I wanna talk to him more.  I dunno what about yet, I'll figure something out later. 

I hate Britney Spears.  I passionatly hate her.  I watched some of her live in miami show last night, yeah I was getting desperate.  Anyway, it was so fake!  How could someone pay to see that!?  I mean... everyone knows she fakes singing on stage but this was too much.  For that song she has called Everytime theres a piano part.  So they get out a piano and shes in this fairy costume and she all sits there and fakes playing.  You know shes fakin it cause the keys are all covered with flowers and when they do a back shot her hands don't move.  Then the greatest thing was like half way through the song she just stood up and kept singing and the piano was still going.  She might have actually sang that song though cause it was really bad and she had bad diction and instead of saying "fly" she said "lie"  wait till Mrs. Olson catches up to her.   Really the greatest thing about the whole show was the audience.  Without a doubt.  Okay so at a rock concert theres like moshing and jumping and screaming and crap and I didn't reall expect that but what I got was so much better.  The people just stood there, they didn't move at all.  And like 75% of them were guys... how can you look at yourself in the mirror and call yourself a man if you bought front row tickets to a Britney Spears concert.  The only good thing about it all was the dancers.  Though they for the most part ran around in nude spandex and had mohawks they were cool.  Well they were cool when they weren't sexually rubbing themselves and humping stairs. Yes, that did happen and I was scared.  But there was this part with ribbon dancers.  They were litterally hanging from these huge ribbons and they were dancing and they were all intertwined in the ribbon and thats what held them up.  I thought that was cool.  But overall I can't believe I wasted my time watching that damn show.

On to fun things!  I made a double layer dark chocolate cake with dark chocolate frosting.
It is the best damn cake ever.  Unfortunatly... I have no cake holders nor do I have any serane wrap.   So... I cut my cake into pieces and stuffed it into a tupper ware box.  Its not really cake anymore.  Its like... cake in a box.  I litterally had to stuff it too cause it was like mountainy.   My poor cake!  I did take a picture before I cut myself a slice because it was so pretty!  I'll post it on here someday when I get that camera developed.

Thats all for now!

*Reverie*

Seems the road less traveled show's happiness unraveled.  And you got to take a little dirt to keep what you love.  That's what you gotta do.
 
-If You Could Only See, Tonic

Yeah I heard that song on the radio today and was like I miss that song!  So I had to post it.

Hey guys, sorry I didn't write yesterday I was grounded from the computer... -.- 

Lets see... yesterday I went to work and it rained a bunch.  But it was okay cause I walked home and purposly ran through puddles.  I dunno why, it was fun!  Then I did a small amount of working out cause I was talking to Kendra and shes all "yeah I'm trying to get back in shape for dance" and so I was like yeah I probably should too.  I didn't know one month without dance could make you so out of shape.   For goodness sakes it was just silly.  But I'm definatly feeling the burn, only in my calfs though cause I did like a billion releves and its like AHH Pain!  Anyway, then I got bored with working out so I put on some Ben Folds Five "Song for the Dumped" and grabbed my mic (also known as a mop) and danced around the room singing. Good song.. I'll have to post the lyrics.  Then I watched some TV and talked to Stephi on the phone until like 1. then I tried to go to bed and had an anxiety attack, it was stupid there was much crying and hugging my teddy bear.  It was so stupid cause I haven't had one in a long time.  But for some reason I couldn't sleep anywhere but curled up on my floor with my door open and the hall light on but at least I got to sleep which is an amazing feat during an anxiety attack.  Then my cat woke me up at 4:30 and she was scracthing the walls so I went to the bathroom sink got some water in my hands and poured it on her.  MUWHAHAHAHAHA hey, she deserved it.  You should see our hall walls!!!!!! Shes ripped them up like crazy.  Good thing me and my mom are redoing that hall this weekend.  Screw you cat!  Anyway, then I went back to my bed cause my crazy attack was over so I felt okay in my bed again, that and I didn't want my parents to know I had a crazy attack cause they would freak out or yell at me.  Neither are really the desired effect lol.  Anyway, then I got up at 8:55 and still got to work on time!  It was amazing! 

Speaking of work I must get back because I'm on my lunch break and it was up like 2 minutes ago and I'm still at my house so I need to get my butt back there. 

*Reverie*

So you wanted to take a break.  Slow it down some and have some space.  Well fuck you too! Give me my money back, give me my money back you bitch! I want my money back (And don't forget to giveme back my black T-Shirt).  Wish I hadn't bought you dinner right before you dumped me on your front porch.  Give me my money back, give me my money back you bitch!I want my money back and don't forget to give me back my black tshirt.
 
-Song For The Dumped, Ben Folds Five
 
Okay, technically I can't relate to that song cause I haven't been dumped recently BUT its still good stuffs.

I'll sing it one last time for you then we really have to go.  You've been the only thing that's right in all I've done and I can barely look at you.  But every single time I do I know we'll make it anywhere, anyway from here.  Light up, light up as if you have a choice.  Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear.  Louder, louder and we'll run for our lives.  I can hardly speak I understand.  Why you can't raise your voice to say, to think I might not see those eyes makes it so hard not to cry.  And as we say our long goodbye, I nearly do Light up... Slower, slower.  We don't have time for that, I just want to find an easier way to get out of our little heads.  Have heart my dear, we're bound to be afraid.  Even if it's just for a few days, making up for all this mess.
 
-Run, Snow Patrol
 
Very awesome song I had to post, sorry to bombard you all with lyrics.  I'll stop now. hehe

*Reverie*

Today was alright, I got to hang out with Becca, Rachel, and Brandon.  Which is good, I needed some social interaction that didn't involve my job or my family.  They came over at like 1 and we walked around and we went for pizza. Then it rained and Brandon had to get his bike from the Civic center so we're all sitting on the stairs in the front lobby and I hear Tommy L yelling "My horse!!"  (don't ask... really... don't...)  anyway I was tackled by him and he refused to get off until I promised to come visit him.  Of course I'm not going to, but he's grown considerably since the last time I saw him and he was about to kill me. lol  He's very loveable though so its excuseable. 

Anyway then we decided we should get a movie and watch it at my house so Becca and Brandon went to rent a movie and I picked up my house.  They ended up getting TX Chainsaw.  meh, it was alright.  They didn't stay with the story of the first one that much.  I mean... they was leatherface and the chainsaw and stuff but no chick blows her brains out in thier van the first time around.  Though I did kinda like it better.. oh jesus that sounds sick to say that.  I don't mean I like people blowing thier brains out but they looped it all around in then end in a good way.  But overall the movie wasn't scary it was just gross... overly disgustingly gross.  I need movies that make me think, not want to puke.  I spent a lot of time burying my head in Brandon. 

Now I must talk of Brandon, and my anger for my mother.  Okay, so Brandon and me are homefrys.  I love him oodles and oodles, but I don't have any kind of attraction to him.  Yes, I buried my head into him during the movie and stayed there but not because I like him.  All of us (and by us I mean me and the Bookhouts) do that to him, as Rachel puts it he has a really good muscle to fat ratio thusly good for cuddelage.  Anyway, the Bookhouts left early but Brandon wanted to stay to finish the movie and so I layed my head on him and grabbed a pillow to cling to and watched the movie in horror (it was so gross..) and thats as far as it went and we gave Brandon a ride home cause I thought it was silly for him to ride his bike home in the rain and we were on the way back and my mom was all "You guys were making out,"  and I was so horrified.  I was like ew mom no!  And she was all "yeah yeah whatever."  I dunno, she apparently can't wrap her brain around two teenagers of the opposite sex just being friends which just angers me.  I dunno, I try to think I'm more mature than the average teenager but I know I'm not.  But I try hella frickin hard. lol

On to my new something I have to do before I get old and fat type thing, to get front row tickets to a rock concert.  Where did this come from you ask?  I was watching late night TV last night and I came across Trapt playing at the Hard Rock Cafe in Orlando.  The first song that I saw still remains my favorite its called Stories, I'll post it here in a bit I mean I don't want to say "it spoke to me"  cause thats hella cheesy but I definatly was like... hell yes.  Cause its kinda Adamish but i don't like to admit it cause I'm pretending I don't care... its so working... lol  Anyway, these people are like belting the songs out with him and like... doing that whole jumping in unison thing, crowd surfing, and there was a big mosh pit.  Man.. it was awesome.  And I was just like... I want to be there.  And so thats my new goal and I think its awesometabulous. 

Thats all for now,

*Reverie*

I found a line and then it grew, I found myself still thinking of you.  I felt so empty and now I'm fine.  But still it's burning, when will you be mine?  Now look at me, still on your mind.  Our memories so intertwined.  Well you broke through and found your way.  And so did I, no need to stay.  The same old pictures, tried and true.  Been through there, looking for something new.  Do you remember lying on the beach so late at night?  Do you remember running through the sprinklers that night?  Do you remember all the songs that I have wrote for you?  I remember, the way you made me feel when I was with you.  I remember, the smile that always brought me back to you.  That look in your eyes, I never thought that this could be untrue.  Too much of the same stories in our lives.  I think its time to change, don't you?  Too much of the same stories in our lives.  I think it's time for us to walk away from here. 
 
-Stories, Trapt

Here's a pic of We Are Lions... they're even hot with red eye... how amazing is that? lol

www.myspace.com/wearelions

www.purevolume.com/wearelions

*runs around in party hat with one of those noise makers*  WHOOOHOOO my hundered and 1st blog entry!  How exciting is that?  I'm in the triple digits baby! lol I would have celebrated my 100th but that was taken up by my erie post, but thats okay.  101 is so much cooler cause you can reverse it and it says the same thing! eh eh?  How fancy is that?

Sooo today.. I brushed my dog... and I spontainiously cleaned my shower cause it twas lookin pretty gross and with the new fancy pants shower head it deserves to be prettyful.  And... I ate bagel bites... extra pepperoni kind!  ohhh yeah!! And me and Becca and Brandon are gonna hang out tomorrow so I'll have interestin stuff to write about tomorrow.  I also read blogs... that was about it.  Oh in lue of Rachels blog entry to moi.

My Rachie whom I love dearly,

I feel bad I made you feel bad and you felt the need to apoligize.  My entry about what you said didn't nesscairly anger me as much as it made me feel the desire to just defend myself. Considering many many people read your blog and I don't want the world thinking I'm so huge skank bag.  I know you don't think that of me but you can't control other peoples thoughts (as hard as I know you try. lol)  Thats all for now, oodles and oodles of love for you!

 

It occured to me I have not been on a date in along time... mind you I have made plans for various dates that all fell through, mainly cause Adam sucks ass.  And its not that I couldn't get a date with someone besides Adam but its like I told Becca.  I don't want those ones.  And its not nescarrily that I want what I can't have I just have this issue of like... I pick something I want and thats what I want.  And I just chose not to be satisfied with anything else.  I mean lets say I just dated someone else that I didn't like in hopes they would grow on me.  I would dump them in like a week cause I would obsessivly nit pick them and glare in thier general direction.  The great thing about when I actually do like someone  I love them not only for thier good qualities but I love thier flaws too.  I dunno I'm a lot like my father in that way I suppose.  For example, my father loves my moms singing.  Shes a terrible singer, when she breaks into song I usually stare at her until she stops. My father on the other hand is always like "Heather stop, shes a happy little song bird!"  (so cheesy I know..) and then plants a big smoocher on my mom and its just like bleh.. nvm.. I dunno what I'm talking about anymore so I'll just stop now... and I'll leave you with some cool We Are Lions lyrics.

*Reverie*

We’ll make necklaces of scrapped metal and some loose twine.  We’ll try our hardest to finish three bottles of cheap wine.  Because we both know, as we get older our taste will improve.  But for tonight let’s pretend we’ve got something to lose.  Two stabs to my side I’m screaming through this smile.  That I’m so happy you’re happy.  My fingernails are what scarred your hardwood floor.  As I tried my hardest to leave my mark as I dragged myself out your door.  Because I know, as I get older my taste will improve.  But for tonight I’ll pretend that you will do.  Two stabs to my side I’m screaming through this smile.  That I’m so happy you’re happy.  Hey beautiful.  You’re not beautiful.
 
-Greco Roman Goodbyes, We Are Lions (photo above)

I can't post a pic of Erie on here cause thier site is gay and nothings in JPEG format and thats all I can post..but... Erie kicks ass, I didn't get to see them but many many people told me they rock, and they rock hard lol. And I talked to a couple of the guys in thier band. They are so awesometabulous.

www.erierock.com

This is it for now, cause I'm gettin damn sick of this.

Here's be The Degenerates. They's be so very very kick ass. I hearts them mucho mucho.

www.thedegeneratesrock.com

Thought I would post some of the bands we saw today. Cause good bands can never get enough promo. Here's theTRACKRECORD... so hot....

www.thetrackrecord.com

www.purevolume.com/thetrackrecord

 

This weekend has been jam packed with kick assness.  Friday went to Hot Topic... a guy with hottness of biblical preportions hit on me.  Omg... the hottness... it was awesome... Then Friday night at Stephis, I loveses my Stephi so very very much.  We stayed up until 5:30 cause we're bad asses and we slept in until 1:30. 

Then Saturday... the day of hottness... no... more than hottness... I can't even say how great today was.  We went to the Battle of the Bands in Afton.  Oh... my lord. The guys there... wow.  I don't think it should be called the battle of the bands... it should be called like.. the calling of grogeous guys that live within 100 miles.  Oh man, it was great.  Unfortunatly Dann and Kyle were there and I wanted to be like.. O_o Die!  Get your own place to be!  lol I didn't of course we all hung out a bit.  Course it wasn't like the good old days cause without Stephanie Kyle sucks more than usual.  I fell in love with this band called the track record... they kicked so very much ass.  And all the guys were very goodly looking so that always helps.  But they were really good regardless.  And I got Stephanie to conquer her fears of the ferris wheel via forcing her on one. She almost died at first and I felt really bad cause I thought she was gonna puke either that or have some major anxiety attack... but then toward the end she was satisfied with grasping the pole for dear life when we went up to the very top.  Besides that she sat back and was fine.  I knew she could do it.  She's so silly.  Then I got mad at her for reasons we won't go into... -.0  (Your still on the shit list for that!)

I was catching up on Rachels blog and I was not overly happy.  There was this one part and I'll just past it here so I don't have to explain, me and her were talking about relationships when we were in like 8th grade.

I was saying that i would perfer a realtionship without the sense of having one, which just making out and all that shit, with no emotional baggage. I didn't need any sort of attachemnt, blah blah blah and a whole lot of more shit added to that.

It's funny how things turn out, ne? Since Heathie was like, " Bullshit. You will want to be attached to them and thus it will never work."

Ah, the irony of it all. For fear of saying more then needed and trying to respect people's wishes, let's see this, if real life counts for anything, our opinions have now been reversed...

I dunno why this bothered me as much as it did.  I guess she thinks I prefer a relationship with no attachments which is BS.  My desire of attatchment to a guy is ridiculous.  Yes, I confess I have gone down the party hardy unattached road once.  But it meant absolutly nothing to me.  I got absolutly nothing from it, I absotivly hated it.  Sitting in Adams car talking for5 minutes means 1,000 times more to me then unattatched shit.  Ever damn song on the radio I hear its like my god.. if I could feel that wouldn't that be nice.  I'm very lonely lately as you can tell.  And sitting on here talking about it is not helping the situation.

*Reverie*

Tear me down like you don't ever want me back.  Promise me that you won't call me when you're sad and I swear that I'll be gone tomorrow.  Just let me stay with you tonight, I never thought I'd see this day.  This all seems so out of place, I never thought you'd be this way.  I loved you but now I've come to see that I am on my own, all alone. What made you think this was right?  You fucked up and ruined my life.  I'll always remember this night, I hate you because now I've cometo see that I am on my own, all alone.  I never thought I'd see this day, I never thought you'd be this way.
 
-thetrackrecord

I used to be a superhero, no one could touch me.  Not even myself.  You are like a phone booth I somehow stumbled into and now look at me.  I'm just like everybody else.  If I was dressed in my best defenses would you agree to meet me for coffee?  If I did my tricks with smoke and mirrors would you still know which one was me?  If I was naked and screaming on your front lawn... screaming, there's the asshole who did this to me!  Stripped me of my powers, stripped me down. You've been gone exactly two weeks, two weeks and three days.  And now I'm a diffrent person, diffrent in so many ways.  Tell me what did you like about me?  Don't say my strength and daring.  'Cause now I think I'm at your mercy, and its my first time for this kind of thing.  I used to be a superhero.. I would swoop down and save me from myself.  You are like a phone booth I stumbled into and now look at me.  I am just like everybody else... I am worse than everybody else.
 
-Ani DiFranco
 
More Ani DiFranco cause she is so frickin awesome!  And if you don't listen to her you should! lol

Well, Daily Shows on so I'm off.  laters my home frys!

*Reverie*

Hey yalls, today was interestin.  My alarm clock sounded at the bright and early time of 8:45... I have to be at work at 9... you can imagine the panic.  I got there at 9:10 after a really fast shower, crappy hair job, throwing on clothes... I don't even like this outfit.. and like throwing foundation at my face.  Anyway, this was the worst day ever ever ever to dress down because of the following reasons:

a. I saw Adam on my lunch hour.  Yeah, it sucked.  I didn't even really want to see him cause it put a damper on my day.  I had spent the morning alphabitizing stuff with Justin in the board room.  And it was fun stuffs, we discovered you can do that record scratching thing on the board room table cause its like anal retentivly clean so you rub your hands on it and it makes squeaky noises.  Man.. all we needed was a bass behind us... we tired "b-boxing"  but we are white kids, white kids can't b-box.  We work so hard at Mirabitos don't we? lol how sad is that? we get paid to pretend to be black.  But it was fun at least.  ANYWAY, back to Adam story.  I get so side tracked... anywho.  I saw him and I didn't want to cause I'm still pissed about the whole standing me up and not calling thing... damn him...

and

b.  This good looking guy came in and here I am looking like crap.  He's Stacys cousin but I didn't know that at the time.  So its like total strangers comes into the room, smile and then go back to work.  I didn't know who he was, he could have been someones boyfriend or something.  Anyway after he leaves Becky is all Ohhh Stacy how old is your cousin?  and she says he's 16 going on 17.   Does he have a girlfriend?  she said no.  Immediatly everyone in the room looks at me.  And it was like... oh no... Have you ever seen the commercial where the car drives faster then sound and suddenly there's  a WHOOOOOOOSSSSSSHHHHH and like the sound catchs up with the car? Thats what it was like.  They looked at me and suddenly there was like this growing tidal wave of giggles & squawks oh how he needs a strong working woman in his life since he doesn't have a job, I just bury my head in my hands yelling STOP STOP!  It was so terrible, thier all reanacting how he fixed his hair when he saw me and it was like Sweet jesus!  He just fixed his hair!  and how I illedgadly blushed and batted my eyelashes... I don't even have the cooridination to bat my eyelashes... these little old ladies don't have enough time on thier hands I swear.  It was funny nevertheless.

I love my job though, we have the best times.  They feed us allll the time!  And theres unlimited hot chocolate.  And theres Justin, can't go wrong with a kid that can talk about snorting fetishes and will b-box with you in the board room when theres no one around. hahaha  And theres Melody shes so nice, we sat there yesterday seeing how many loyalty applications weren't from the USA.  Yeah, we were slacking off... so sue us!  Theres a few Canadians, they have funny zip codes.  I love the part timers.  But I love the way back room (which is where the whole thing with the guy went one)  they are so awesome!  Thier real women too, not stupid weak ones.  Survived divorce, cancer and one was in a motercycle gang... you can't go wrong with that. 

Well enough for tonight, hope you liked my ode to Mirabitos part-timers.  As me and Justin put it:  We do the job no one else wants to do and get paid less for it.

*Reverie*

And by the way!  We part timers aren't the only ones that slack off!  When the big boss people left for lunch yesterday Jill got out her fart putty and was running around with it being retarded and grossing people out.  Melody and I are in there just innocently working and we hear this fart of like biblical preportions coming from the hall.  Of course its Jill pretending its her and being like "Oh I'm... I'm so sorry."  and making this faces... she hid it on someone and they actually believed it was her farting and they were like horrified... oh man... that office I swear.  Theres never a dull moment...

Yay I went to work today.  It was less than exciting.  Then I came home... not very exciting either.  But in exciting news for my 16th birthday my parents are taking me to see Bill Cosby at the Turning Stone Casino.  I'm really excited sadly enough.  I like grew up on the Cosby show and to be in the same room as him is gonna kick so much ass.  Of course the show is on the Bookhouts birthday. But I'll only be gone a couple hours and maybe they won't have thier party that weekend.  Hey I can dream. 

Brads at Stephanies house... again... I know he's going away tomorrow and crap but for goodness sakes that doesn't mean you have him over like everyday all week at all hours of the night.  Doesn't he have a job? Brad you need to start sharing Stephanie more. 

Well thats all for today, don't feel like talking tonight.

*Reverie*

I'm just another woman lost.  Your like a fish in the water, you don't know that they wet.  As far as I can tell, the world isn't perfect yet.  And I don't think there's one of us that leads a life free of mistakes.

I can't always wait for your circumstance to improve.  Love is loose it shifts everytime you move.  Go ahead, put my back against the wall.  Give it all up or don't give it to me at all.  You never know this could be our last night so step back, step back into the light.  So I can see your sillouette.  I'm not done looking yet.  I'm going to turn and walk away.  You wait till I'm far along then come and catch my arm and say you'd die if I were gone.  Yes, I'm going to turn and walk away.  You can watch me go or you can make me stay.
 
-Ani DiFranco

 
I found these online after someone suggested this girl to me.  I find them so damn fitting to my life right now I had to post 'em.  

*Reverie*

So people, yesterday I said Adam was going to call me today but I wasn't getting my hopes up and I bet you all thought I was being a pessimistic bitch eh?  Well guess what? I was merely being a realist.  I went to work today, totally didn't have my head in the game.  I was 10 minutes late to work, I got there and slacked off a bunch.  I didn't really care I wanted to leave.  I hung out with Becca and Brandon on my lunch hour it was fun.  I've missed them both oodles and oodles.  Then I went back to work and then I went home expecting Adam to call at some point around say... 5.  Around 5:30 he was yet to call so I knew he wasn't going to, my mother came home later and was suprised to find me at the house/alone.  She asked if he had blew me off I nodded while I glared at Conan O'brian on the TV.  She asked how much longer I was going to put up with him doing this.  I shrugged.  At this point my anger was far to great for me to be talking to anyone because I was afraid what I might say.  So instead I resigned to curling up in my big pink chair and falling in and out of sleep because thats how I deal with anger.... sleep it off, works like a charm hehe.  Then Stephanie called, oh man... she had the best story ever.  I won't repeat it on her cause I doubt she would appreciate it.  But it was good stuff and totally cheered me up. Then at like 7:30 I got online, Adam got on about 5 minutes after I did. I glared at his screen name for a good 15 minutes.  He fails to start a conversation so I resentfully say hey.  We go through the universal whats up? nm, you? nm thing then... silence.  He's not going to apologize or even mention it until I force it out of him.  I go for the indirect approach of "what'd you do today? anything fun?"  subliminal messaging: It better have been good like ending the AIDs epidemic for you to not have even called.  Nope, no AIDs cure.  What did he do you ask?  Oh, his moms car broke down so he's been driving her around since four.   Note: theres no apology here either.  he asks me what I did well he said whats up again. I decided to tell him. I told him I went to work, waited an hour for him to call when he didn't I came up with the slogan "fuck you Adam" (yes I said that to him) after which I yelled at my cat and ended up watching Comedy central all night.  he finally aplogizes and calls himself an asshole.  This does not satisfy the mighty god of Heathers anger.  It merely keeps it at bay (also known as I won't bitch him out just yet, just be grumpy at him).  The mighty god of my anger... hehehe thats funny.
 
The thing about this all is I absolutly cannot stand this whole being stood up shit.  Not because of what he does persay, its the way it makes me feel.  Like oh, I'm not good enough to call and tell me you can't go.  Your the frickin one that asked me!  GAH!!!  Sorry, I get so violently angry... its just... what the hell... I dunno I can't put it into words without swearing more.  Just know its a mixture of anger and sadness. 
 
Well thats all for today, laters my home fries.
 
 
*Reverie*
 
 
And tell me, how should I feel?  And all the games you play, on me.  You still make me feel like nothing.  When you break me down I'll fall apart and wrestle with myself inside.  I'm nothing. 

Today I followed the usual formula of a day off in the life of Heather.  I rose from the sleeping chambers at noon.  I came downstairs and had cookies and cream ice cream for breakfast.  Well that and I had a yogurt too. Then I played video games for a bit more.  Basking in the greatness of the game for a few more hours because it had to be returned today.  I already have a two day late fee. Then I cleaned the house up a bit for my mom and then I hoppeded in the shower, got dressed, and returned the video game.  On the way I saw Becca and we walked to VEP together and then back to the library/my house.  Then I came home and watched the Daily show for a bit then the phone rang and thusly the highlight of my entire day....
 
Who was it you ask?  Twas Adam but of course considering the only other person that calls me is Stephi.  And thats not really a highlight of the day more of a routine.  But its always fun, last night I litterally fell out of my chair from laughter... of course it was my own joke and I couldn't even get it out through my tears of joy so Stephi just sat there as I curled into the fetal position on my floor in pain from the excessive silent laughter.  Anyway back to Adam story. I get side tracked so easily... we talked for a bit and he was gonna come over but then he couldn't cause he needed to help his mom.  What a good kid. lol But we may possibly hang out tomorrow.  More on  that as information comes in...  But while talking he asked me what I have been up to lately... I said nothing andhe was like "You must have some kind of life."  And I just was kinda like ".. I cleaned my room yesterday..." I didn't even think of the bridal shower the other day, or my recital last weekend... I think it was last weekend at least.. I lose track of time.  Feels like it was ages ago.  Or the battle of the bands that I'm going to this saturday.  Nope... thebest thing I could come up with was I cleaned my room.  Jeese, I must look so exciting. lol Oh well, I'll make a mental note to talk about it tomorrow.  That is if we hang out, can't get my hopes up cause if I do and then we don't lord knows I'll get really pissy. 
 
Thats about all for now,
 
*Reverie*
 
Turn around!  Stick it out!  Even white boys got to shout!  Baby got back!
 
Yeah me and Stephs song... don't ask...

I took a test I foundin Stevis in info and I foundout my life is R-rated.
 
This came as really no big suprise.  A lot of things happen that I don't write about in my blog because I like to keep my blog clean and free of my wrong doings.  I of course tell my 3 super hero friends Stephi, Becca, and Katie all of them, but not the general public, most people I don't mind knowing but the Bookhouts mom reads this (Hi Pat!) and I don't need bad things happening to me lol.  I haven't talked to Rachel in so long I haven't told her the stories. At some sleepover or something I'll have to confess to her. She'll shame me.  Oh well, she'll get over it.  Rachie I loveses you. :)  And just to clear everyones worry I've never smoked, done drugs, drank alcohol, skipped classes, or had sex.  But that means absolutly nothing.  0=)  Well enough about my alter ego. lol
 
*Reverie*

Todays entry will be much shorter than yesterdays.  Considering I did much less today than I did yesterday.  I woke up and I rolled out of bed and started cleaning my room.  See the trick to making me do chores is do it really early in the morning before my brain knows whats going on.  And by early I mean like 10.  After this I went down stairs and played video games ALLLL day.  It was sooo sad!  I have no life!  Then I got on my computer and thats the only interesting thing I have done all day.
 
I started talking to Brandons ex girlfriends recently.  I first talked to Melissa who I immediatly became friends with because shes very nice and was trying to get over Brandon so I helpeded her.  I think, I dunno I called him many names and brought up all his bad habits.  I mean I love Brandon oodles and oodles, but after your dumped by a guy you need to hear him be trashed.  Then today I talked to Kim for the first time.  Shes I dunno, I have heard so many not nice things about this girl and shes not terribly bad.  But then again everyones nice in the beginning... must be catious!!!  *paranoid face*  O.o
 
Alright well thats about all for tonight.  Sory for the lame entry but a day without blogging is just... incomplete. hehe
 
*Reverie*
 
PS: I have Italian opera stuck in my head.  Incase anyone wanted to know.

Okay Beccas day kicked my days ass... only cause she got hit on by a transvestite and his name was Kimmy.  How frickin great is that?!  Becca, you rock. lol =P
 
*Reverie*

Today was really screwed up.  If you read my entry from yesterday you know I went to a bridal shower today... more on that in a few moments. The first stop was my Aunt Debbie and Uncle Jimmys house.
 
Let me first explain what my mothers side of the family are like.  They are for the most part large toothless hillbillies.  I love them dearly, but they are.  They talk with the thickest accent, I have no idea what they say sometimes.  Good thing my mom repeats stuff she hears because she doubles as a translator for me.  My uncle Jimmy and Aunt Debbie live in a double wide on top of a hill, its filled with various antique furniture they bought off of ebay.  And for all the money they spent its the most uncomfortable stuff I've ever sat on.  Gimme a lazy boy anyday.  Anyway my uncle Jimmy got hit in the mouth back in the day and thusly has no front teeth.  He is also a truck driver and thusly has the classicly overlarge beer belly.  And lolls around his house in ripped jeans and shirts that his stomach protrudes from. 
 
My Aunt Debbie on the other hand is... interesting.  Shes a large butch woman, she has all her teeth.  She goes off on really loudly on tangents whenever the oppertunity arises.  And if shes not going off on a tangent... shes still really loud.  She harresses me about my non existant boyfriends and she is also going through menopause.  Thusly in the middle of a conversation with me she suddenly whips her hair up and starts cursing about hotflashes.  If anyone says anything rude to her joking or other wise, she takes em out.  She is a strong woman who I have grown to love over many years of harressment. She also dated my father for awhile... I think... I dunno they did something... (no its not like incest or something because she married into my mothers side of the family and yeah its just it sounds odd I guess but it isn't.) I don't know what my dad saw in her since she is the complete opposite of my shy quiet mother in like every way.  Maybe I should just stop thinking about my Aunt and my dad together cause its definatly creeping me out.
 
Anyway, so we go over to thier house at like 1, my Aunt called my mom because she wanted to "talk" to her.  See, the thing is I was almost a millionaire for like 2 hours.  It was exciting.  See, my family owns a 45 acre plot of land up in the boonies.  A nieghbor of the land found natural gas on thier land.  Well, they are still looking for it but they know its there cause they did some tests for it.  Anyway, illegadly there was a possibility of it being on our land also.  I mean, I'm not a greedy capitalist but the thought of my parents not having to live from pay check to pay check and scrounge for my dance money was a very nice thought.  Had there been oil we would have only gotten 1/4 of the money.  In the wildest of my fleeting dreams I had a mental image of moving off Grand St.  I knew it was all a dream, thusly while I dreamed I thought of getting a flying pony which would sleep in my bedroom and would be pink and look like a My Little Pony.  It was a nice thought.  Anyway, supposedly my Uncle Donny checked for oil and found none.  So... no flying pink ponies for me.  =(  But in the mean time the whole family is trying to buy property out from under each other on a wild goose chase for natural gas.  Its interesting to sit back and watch.
 
So we get there to "talk" and my Aunt isn't there, only my uncle who's lolling on the couch watching a cowboys and indians movie but no one was talking.  It was wierd.  As soon as we get in he starts showing off all the new furniture he bought offline, most likely Ebay because thats were everything else they own came from.  I swear if they could get thier food off thier they would.  After some small talk where they trash like every relative in the family, we que my angry alcoholic uncle Leslie to enter the scene with a 12 pack of beer.
 
My uncle Leslie also really loud and also has no teeth.  Which is actually an interesting story so I must tell it.  When my uncle was a teenager he became like an anerexic.  His diet consisded of only celerey and water.  After about a year of this, due to malnutrition, all his teeth fell out.  From that day forward he swore he would never go hungry again.  And he hasn't, he is a large toothless man.  As soon as my mom sees the beer he has she speeds up her coffee drinking and we leave to go over to my aunt celieas house for the bridal shower.  See like I said he's an angry alcoholic and neither my mom or I want to be around to witness it. 
 
When we were at the bridal shower I stood in the corner drinking lemonade and once and awhile inching toward the table for some cheese and crackers.  I like observing my relatives since I don't know them very well. My aunt celiea is your typical hill billy wife.  Shes very loud, the house is in wrecks at all times & she has about 5 million kids.  Wierd people from various farms stop by randomly, they are all also reallly loud and talk about hunting a lot, and diffrent types of soil.  Say... mountain soil vs slatey river bed soil.   By the way nothing in this blog is made up or exaggerated.  Well except the part about the 5 million kids...
 
My cousin Jamie is your typical daughter to typical hill billy parents.  She has two kids and was never married or maybe she did once... wait I think she did.  Both kids have diffrent fathers and for the most part she leaves the kids off at my aunts house and goes off to do things I don't want to think about.  She also has various piercings and is really loud. 
 
There is this woman named like.. Maud.. or Marge I don't know anyway.  She is extremly large and old and also has no teeth.  In fact, today she wore her bottom teeth for the first time in 18 years.  Amazing eh?  Shes also very loud suprise suprise.  She knew my grandmother haviland (my dads mom), and I suppose they didn't get along because she went on this long talk with my mom about this one time my grandma bitched her out at Ozzies and she told my Grandmother to like fuck off.  I doubt this happened.  In reality my Grandmother probably said something petty and evil because shes like that but she sugar coated it with niceness cause my Grandmas one of those people and Marge.. or Maud.. whatever... told her to go to hell.  I dunno, just a guess.
 
The prize of this whole bunch of woman was this little old woman who chain smokes.  And you can tell she has her whole life because she has that voice, you know the one where the woman sounds like a man.  And hobbles around looking nice and happy but you know shes the type of woman that could throw back to shots of some really hard liquor without blinking and ask for more.  And shes old, thusly making this like 20 times better.  I dunno, I liked her. lol
 
I also liked my cousin tommys wife, she married into the family last summer and shes so nice.  Isn't gargantunly fat, has all her teeth, AND itsn't loud. She talks like a normal person, its amazing. 
 
Anyway on to the bridal shower for my cousin Belinda, after retarded games and silly door prizes were given out we opened presents.  We gave her a toaster.  Exciting. 
 
Oh!  and then they were talking and my Aunt Debbie spontaniously asked Marge if she wanted a dildo.  (I know, scaring.)  and marge is like "NO!!.... I'm allergic to latex... it was the worst way to find out."  I didn't know they were made of latex though... I don't think they are... if anyone knows... please tell me. lol jk
 
Then there was cake, it was good cake.  I wanted more, but my corner in the back was too comfy and safe.  Besides they were passing around pictures of a cake they made for like... my 15th cousins bridal shower I don't really know, I just know I have a really extended family and shes part of the extended part.   Anyway the cake was shaped like a huge penis and filled with vanilla pudding.  I did not want to be part of that conversation. 
 
Then I saw people leaving so I slunk (I don't know.. the past tense of the verb 'slink') to my mom and was like... "can we go toooo?"  and we got to go home.  And I came home and played Grand Theft Auto III and watched the tapes of me and Stephi at Fishy Lake.
 
Thats all for now, hope you enjoyed my roundup of my family.  Trust me I didn't talk about everyone theres a lot more...
 
*Reverie*

Whheeehoooo!  Today was... fun!!!!!!!
 
I woke up at the crack of noon.  After an hour shower I changed into clean pajamas and I went downstairs to make a bolonga and cheese sammich.  After this I went to Video Entertainment Plus in my pajamas and rented Grand Theft Auto III.  While there and woman at the counter was really loudly renting an X-rated movie.  The irony of it all was she was talking about how she didn't want people to know she was renting an X-rated film.  Yet she was talking about it REALLY loudly.  Like I could hear it at the back of the store.  And this is why I love people so much. hehe  After this, I came home.  And I played Grand Theft Auto.. until like...4.  At which point Stephanie called.  Her 7 year old nephew really wants to go skating.  She doesn't want to sit there alone, so I'm dragged to the rollar skating rink.  I didn't dress up, I had on the jeans I wore yesterday and my teletubbies shirt.  Stephanie picked me up and she had like make up on and looked so pretty and I was like umm. hey. lol I didn't know it was an occasion!
 
Anyway, we got there and Stephanie sees her ex man Derrick.  And I see this kid I used to think was so frickin hot with his mohawk and various piercings.  He had shed the mohawk for a baseball cap.  Not a fair trade.  But shall we look at this kids resmue of what we know of him so far:  He's like... 16 or 17 and goes to the skating rink.  -1 point (yes I was there but I was helping babysit... diffrence), he has a car +1 point, its a dodge -1 point. He got rid of the mohawk -1 point.  He has really hot piercings +2 points.  he was hanging out with Derrick -1 point.  (I know I don't know Derrick persay, but he came off as an asshole.)  anyway, after I talked to the kid that used to have the mohawk for like 10 minutes we had to leave cause we left at 8:30 thankfully, I hate it there.  Anyway, we're leaving and like I didn't say bye, I don't give a shit.  He yells "BYE I'LL SEE YOU LATER!!" *I turn around and look at him, I wasn't sure what he said. so I kinda stare oddly at him* And then he goes "By the way nice ass!!"  *gives me two thumbs up*  So to end the talley +1 point for wanting to say bye to me, -5 points for being a dick head and yelling across the skating rink I have a nice ass.  I mean I don't care, its a bunch of scum bags there I don't care what they think.  But that doesn't mean you do something like that.  So to tally this all together the kid got -7 points.  Not worth the time, BUT I will say... hot piercings...
 
Anyway, then I went over to Stephis house and chilaxed for a bit cause shes cool.  And I played with her niece who is sooooo adorable!! She kept looking at my teletubbies shirt and saying "Melmo!" Like elmo but with an M.  Shes so cute!  I loveseses the baby. :)
 
And now I'm here writing in my blog, cause my life is THAT exciting!  And I bet you all were like hmmm what did Heather do today?  Of course you were, thats why your reading my blog!  And I can tell you what I'm doing tomorrow too!  In the morning I'm going to go to the mall, then in the afternoon I am going to a bridal shower.  Then I will come home, and do nothing.  Sounds good eh?  I thought so too.
 
*Reverie*

Wow thats messed up.  I dunno what I did to my blog, oh well.  Its pretty funny looking though.
 
People commented on my blog yesterday.  Exciterdering!!  Specially cause Istar commented. She has a kick butt blog, specially the entry on the moths and the fry pan... funny stuffs.  Sorry I never get comments sides Becca and Colleen so I get very excited.  Not that I don't love both of your comments just saying.
 
Anywho, today was really damn boring.  I went to bed at like 1 last night well... morning. And then I had to like throw myself into the shower at 8:30.  I ended up being 15 minutes late to work, but its okay cause my boss is in Las Vegas.  Shhhhh she'll never know!! Until she looks at my time card of course.  But I made it up by staying until 4, and I usually leave at 3:30.  So, I doubled the time I owed.  See what a good employee I am?
 
I smell something and it kinda smells faintly like burning plastic.  But I have come to the conclusion my cat can tell the future, and if shes not freaking out neither am I. lol  Its probably just my neighbors doing something retarded... what a suprise.
 
Hopefully Adam will get on tonight!! Cause I have tomorrow off and so I have a strong desire to hang out with him and rape him.  Okay just kidding about raping him... I'm not allowed. lol
 
Eric and Catie O. are going through seperation anxiety.  I'm not sure where Eric is Caties info says he is "300 miles away".  Maybe he went to Canada... who knows.  But people should stop whining.  I know thier all desperatly in love with each other but come on.  Suck it up people.
 
Okay, now that I'm done bashing a beautiful and intimate relationship I feel my work is done. Laters yalls.
 
*Reverie*

I went to library today to scan my dance pictures and this girl comes up to me and she goes on about what a great show recital was. She and her mom went both nights and I had my dance pictures with my (obviously) since I was scanning them and she all asked for one and she talked about how she wanted to take dance next year and she wants to comepete and stuff. I dunno, it was cool I'm glad she liked recital and I felt all special she knew me from the show. It was one of those I don't hate people as much as usual moments. Only because I'm feeling all anti-social today for some reason.

I dunno I'm wierd. Well I'm outta stuff to talk about so I'm gonna go wait for someone half interesting to get on.

*Reverie*

I wish I had had a full line in this picture. But the fact I was actually balancing caught me off gaurd and Jim just snapped it. The sad thing was I wasn't concentrating on the face I made... so thats what I look like when I'm concentrating.. pretty scary eh?

See my cooltabulous modern picture?! Sorry I scanned this picture and my solo picture so your gonna have to look at them now! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Posted by Hello

She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye
She would suffer, she would fight, and compromise
She's been wishin' on the stars that shine so bright
For answers to the questions that will haunt her tonight

She must rinse this all away
She can't hold him this way
She must rinse this all away
She can't love him this way

How she'd be soothed, how she'd be saved if he could see
She needs to be held in his arms to be free
but everything happens for reasons that she will never understand
'til she knows the heart of a woman will never be found in the arms of a man...

And if she runs away she fears she won't be followed
What could be the worse than leaving something behind?
And as the depth of oceans slowly become shallow
It's loneliness she finds
If only he was mine....

She must rinse this all away
She can't hold him this way
She must rinse this all away
She can't love him this way


Pretty good song, I loves it bunches.

*Reverie*

I'm on my lunch break and I have to get back to work. Which I hate. All the part timers leave at like 12:30 and I'm stuck there until 3:30... all alone... Well not all alone, there is this really bitchy old lady I have to sit with. Well shes not really bitchy shes just anal retentive about everything. God I hate my job. But it has its perks. Like I get to pretty much pick my own hours. I get days off whenever I need them, and in general its good company. Cept the old lady. But the part time workers are cool. We have 4 new ones, I don't like them that much. Thier boring, the only person I l like there is Justin. He kicks some ass cause he's hella loud and obnoxious. Like myself, so we get along well. And have some interesting conversations.. such as... tying fire cracker to a cats tail. hahaha We're so bad. lol The other workers are all new so thier all Oh must be quiet! Must work!! They don't really know the rules yet shall we say. So thier all anal retarded. Hopefully they'll loosen up at some point. Well I gotta get back to work... whoohooo... more folding papers!!! SCORE!!!
Posted by Hello

Heres a picture of our modern dance. Well its only Eden... but its still a nice picture. I'm sorry everyone, I have this really cool new picture poster and I'm like obsessed with it... I'll stop now though. 

This is a picture of all of us in American Life, Brandi sent it to me last night. As you can see... I'm the one thats really demonic looking in the back row. Ya can't miss me, I have like... shadows across my face and look really creepy... lol 

Went to work today, wow I felt like I was there forever and ever... then I came home and slept until six cause I went to bad at like... 1 yesterday and then I had to get up at 8 so I needed some nappage.

I had a rant I was going to go on about hating TV that I made up in the shower this morning cause I always think real good in there. But now I can't remember it... well I remember one part its about Full House.

See in the theme song it starts out "What ever happened to perdictibility?" Okay, now people... if your life is more predictable than an episode of Full House you should just go die right now... I'm just kidding. lol But what they are going for is something along the lines of "oh look at our lives, we're just like you and we have the same problems as you do!" Which is such crap, until Bob Saget is my father and John Stamos's bedroom is across the hall from mine I cannot begin to relate with you any of you. I'm sorry, but I find TV so annoying. I am yet to ever see a TV show that is realistic. Because, no ones life is that exciting!!! If there was a realistic TV show it would be comprised of epoisodes revolving around minuimum wage jobs at Burger King and at all times there would be at least one character with a zit. People would not wake up with perfect make up on and there would be at least one pot head thats always high and everyone just ignores him. Thats real TV right there my friend. lol I'm sorry, I don't know where this came from I just dislike TV, cept comedy central and BestWeek Ever and those I love the 80's shows... and iron chef... and once and awhile Will & Grace cause you can't go wrong with that show. lol

Becca has an away message up thats all happy happy joy joy I'm at the movies wheeehooo! And then its all "Heather- im me if you get on I wanna talk to you later..." I got the dots. The dots are never good no matter what and I didn't get no smilies or nuffin. I think I'm in trouble though I don't know what I did... << look I put dots cause its not good. See? Dots mean trouble.

I must go, someones info is bringing back terrible terrible memories... so I am going now before I die... Its not like she means to bring back the memories cause she doesn't even know the story just... key words. I don't know, I'm not putting it in my blog but if you wanna know just ask. =P

*Reverie*

You light me up and then I fall for you.
You lay me down and then I call for you.
Stumbling on reasons that are far and few,
I’d let it all come down and then some for you...

Maybe today you can put the past away.

I don't know where that came from but I'm listening to Jumper and that line just kind of jumped out at me... haha jumper... jumped out... wow I'm so tricky and I don't even know it. hehe

Recital weekend is over, my pending ulcer from rehearsal week is gone and all stress is off. At least for another year. Today was nice, I made up for all the eating I have been lacking this week. Considering my diet has been made up of drive through pre packaged crappy food. I had no work or any responsibilities so I slept until noon, came down stairs turned on the TV and fell asleep again until like 3. After I finish this I am gonna read everyones blogs and see what I've missed this weekend. Hopefully nothing terribly exciting.

All the shows were good I didn't mess anything majorly up which is always a nice feeling.. well except the Friday show.. during the finale Kristyn and I are supposed to jump out and then all dancify around the stage and umm.. well I was changing my shoes and suddenly I looked out and there was Kristyn jumping and I was supposed to be and I was standing there with one shoe on cursing. It wasn't pretty. This led into me messing up a whole bunch of the crap on that part BUT then it was over, life resumed. Because I have this new theory about recital that I made up when I was trying to comfort a little girl close to tears back stage. Ask yourself "Is it over?" if you can answer yes to the question then forget about it, life goes on. And Friday night I got an award for like.. growing up this year which is nice they noticed. Cause I think I have so ya know, gotta love when people actually notice and then acknowledge your personal growth. And I got a Booster Club award, which is good cause I'm poor.

Cinderella went well too, everyone loved it so I'm glad we pulled it off. My favorite part was when Darci turned into the fairy godmother cause of the fog it looked like a dream it was so cooltabulous! If you didn't go to the ballet you totally missed the coolest thing ever!

My solo... haha.. yeah. I didn't do terribly. I messed up the first thing I do... which is like... this leg grabby... panche... thinger... but that was about all.. My mom even referred to it as "nice" which is good for her considering she hates my solo. But I forgot to wear my black shoes which sucks cause then I have nice lines. But I like barefoot better. I mean I didn't like "accidently on purpose" forget them, seriously I didn't. I just... I was all freaking out about it I didn't relieze I didn't wear them until I was changing into the finale costume.

OH OH!!! I didn't mess up my tap dance!!!!!!!! MUWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA We did it two times and I didn't mess it up either time. This was like.... major major accomplishment for me. Sorry I'm done.

Anyway, after recital my mom and I were talking about what I was going to do for my solo next year. She is driving me nuts. She doesn't tell me what to do or anything she just hints really strongly. She doesn't like modern, well she likes my modern group dance but thats all. She doesn't like my solo, she doesn't like any of the songs I am thinking about doing next year and shes a pain in the ass. She told me I should do tap, oh of course mom... I told her I suck tap and shes all ".....you could get better..." Its like thanks mom... what a great idea. I love modern, thusly I want to do a modern solo. I like tap, I don't love tap. Theres a diffrence. She keeps telling me no one wants to see someone go up on stage in all black and be depressing. Now first off, my solo isn't depressing its realistic and I can relate to it so well and thats why I love it. Second of all I'm not going to suggest a dance to Amy just because my mom wants me to. If given the option of what kind of dance I want to do I'm going to do something I like, because frankly I would rather get up there and dance to something I can relate to and love then get up there and do something I don't even like...like tap. Well I like tap, obviously or I wouldn't take it but you know what I mean.

Anyway, next year if I did abstracty type modern I would do this cool remix I found of Six Feet Under, or this Cirque de soliel song I downloaded thats so cool but I don't know the title come some dork labelled it wrong. If I do a solo like I did this year kind dark modern but with a good theme there is this song by Marilyn Manson called Coma White that I love soooo much! And its a good song too theres nothing bad in it and I could totally get into it... meh heres the lyrics I don't know I have to share it.

Theres something cold and blank behind her smile
She's standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile
[coma:]
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away"

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid that
Lost all her dolls
[coma:]
"You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away"

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
[chorus repeat]

Now obviously this song wouldn't be about me since I'm not on like... anti depressents. But I can still relate to it because its about someone on them and I have faarr too many friends on them and this song just completly gets me going in that angry kind of way. I don't know, doctors that just keep giving out pills because they think they will solve everything piss me off. The only part I don't like about it is there is this like... screamy guitar part. I don't know... maybe Amy won't go for it because its Marilyn Manson or something. In which case there is this Vanessa Carlton song called Twilight that I really liked awhile ago and I heard it again at the picnic and its cool stuffs. But we're going for the Marilyn Manson song... or maybe I'll just burn a CD with all these songs on it and ask Amy to pick one. Or maybe she already has a song or maybe she won't like any of them... I dunno. But if I did Vanessa Carlton it might just shut my mom up, which would be nice. But I would rather do Coma White.. I'm just saying... I don't know I'm going to shut up about dance now because really and truly I have a life outside of dance.

Speaking of which I'm sick of typing on here and ignoring all the cool people on AIM so... adios...

*Reverie*

Went to the ABC picnic tody, fun stuffs. I love those girls so much!! MUWHAHAHA!! "GIRLS DON'T LIKE BOYS GIRLS LIKE CARS AND MONEY!!" hahaha we have the best times ever! We had this realllly long talk for like two hours about such crap. And we told these terribly dirty jokes and it was so fun (Why did the pervert cross the road? = BEST joke ever!! And Kristyns never ending questions... *snore* Sandpaper Sally!! *snore* hahahahaha). I love you guys!! :)

I went to Kmart today to get some sun lotion for the picnic and I saw Adam. I was excited. I mean nothing embarressing happened, like last time I saw him. But regardless, it was nice. I miss him.

I will talk about recital in tomorrows blog, I'm too tired tonight and I just want to go to sleep. But beforehand I thought I would say I love my dancers.... that and I wanted to see if Tamara/Brad was on AIM because I accidently brought home thier grandmas sweatshirt... oops...

*Reverie*

Ah the first time all weekend have been able to sit down and write in my blog. My moms watching some touchy feely movie on tv, my dads working in the yard, and I'm here writing in my blog. Everything is back to normal. Its a nice feeling.

Well.. nevermind my mom wants me to clean the house... then I have the picernic to go to...soooo.... nvm... I'll write in here some other time when my mom isn't cracking to whip of house cleaning doom.

Just thought I would tell you all I'm still living... hehe

*Reverie*

Okay okay, so I have been told to lighten up on my self bashing in dance. So here is my one word review of rehearsal today I'm-so-tired-then-I-messed-up-my-solo-well-not-really-I-was-just-tired-and-falling-all-over-the-stage-but-modern-entrance-is-so-cool-I-feel-very-bat-like-Edens-solo-was-soo-cool. There, you can't say I'm taking dance too seriously if I only give a one word review. And yes, thats one word... its just... long and hyphinated.

MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...*ahem*...sorrry...I'm good.

So lets see... now that I'm not talking about dance I have so many other things to talk about... like.. and then... Okay not really, I do have a life though!!!! I do!!! Don't laugh at me...

Theres umm... OH! I know. Stephanie wants to make Franny play in my back yard. Yes thats right, she wants this kick ass college band to come play in my backyard. On my street full of scumbags. I told her if she wanted to come clean all the dog poo out of my yard she can do whatever she wants. She swears she will do it, yeah okay. We'll see how long this lasts. lol

Ummm oh theres boys too! Umm... well actually I have nothing interesting to talk about in the guy department.

Alright alright, I'm just getting off. Cause I have nothing to talk about...

*Reverie*

Oh the tiredness. Dance rehearsals have been so painfully long. And running on little sleep did nothing to improve my preformance. But more on this later.

Adam actually got on last night, may we all "oooh" and "ahh" at this. Thats right people, the boy did what he said he was going to do. I was very excited, and he actually talked to me I didn't have to start the conversation. Good sign eh? And then we talked for a bit and I asked him about Saturday, he apologized and gave a rather lame excuse but I'll let it slid cause if I did it I would want him to forgive me. And then we talked somemore about pretty much nothing, then he asked me to hang out with him the next day, which was today. I couldn't of course because I had dance rehearsal. Which sucked, I mean rehearsal didn't (well actually it did) but thats not what I meant. But I wanted to hang out with him soo very much, I mean... this was the first time in ages that I wanted to be somewhere besides dancing. May we all take a moment of silence for this milestone............ Okay moment's over.

So I was up late talking to him and then I called Steph and so I didn't get to bed until like 1:30. Then at 5:30, right in the middle of very deep sleep my mom comes barging in my room and makes me pack the truck with all my dance stuff for rehearsal. So I really didn't sleep well last night. And then I had like an 8 hr rehearsal today, it didn't start off too hott.

The first thing we did was Cinderella. Me and Becky (my fairy partner) get onstage and the stage is SOOO slippery. So I'm trying really hard not to fall on my but while looking graceful. I am not that good at multitasking. Me and Becky totally messed it up. Well not really Becky, mostly me. Actually probably all me, but regardless Miss Amy was yelling about how me and Becky are usually so together and how we were falling apart. Which we were... it didn't really help make me feel any better. So basically it started off pooey. Then we went through the first act, I don't think I danced much in that cause I don't remember any of it.

Then we did finale which was interesting, Cynthia always holds my ribbon for me because it seems sometimes that as soon as I get off I'm back on stage. And I went backstage and I was lacking in not only a ribbon but Cynthia. I end up just picking one up off the floor, whosever I stole.. I'm sorry. I asked Cynthia later if she had gotten lost or something. I mean the girl isn't like my lackey or something but she is always there holding it for me and without her I was so very lost. But from what I'm told some girl that will go unnamed came up to Cynthia, saw she was holding two ribbons and took one. When she said the ribbon the girl just took was mine the girl replied "I don't fucking care," and just walked away. Gotta love that.

And then later we were doing the modern part and Amy said many times that we don't run off, but for some retarded reason I just opened my big mouth and was like "Wait.. what do we do when we run off?" and this erupted into "NO ONE runs off!!" and involved asking all of the parents that were watching if she had not just said that no one runs off. I felt very very retarded and sputtered various apologies. I could have made it worse and had said "I didn't hear you," but I didn't, cause I did hear her it was just some retard moment... I'm so good at those.

Then at the end of the finale we a bunch of us get to run down the asiles. Which is so very very exciting! But very hard too, because we have to run like the wind out the back doors, down the hall and back in the front doors. As Darci put it its like "RUNNNNNNNN!!! slam into wall!!! Keep RUNNING!!!!!!" Its soo fun! hehe Unfortunatly the walls at the school are like jagged rocks, I don't know why. Perhaps this is to prevent kids from smushing each other against the walls in a passionate making out frenzy. But regardless they are hard and jaggedy and when I took a corner in whole RUNNNN!!! run I put my hand on the wall to steady myself and I stratched it all up. It hurt! But its much better now.

Then we did the second act and I messed up my tap dance, and my jazz... and my lyrical. So basically... I messed up everything. Suprise suprise. But tap at the end I was supposed to do a triple, so of course I do a double. Then after that I was supposed to do a double... so I do a single. What the hell. I didn't even know what I was doing, had Amy asked me I probably just stared blankly. And we rushed the stop time, which was gay. I knew we were rushing but once we start rushing you can't slow down or you will be the odd man out and make the class sound like crap. Then during jazz I don't know what the heck happened!!! I was dancing just fine and dandy and I got the most painful cramp EVER in my calf. I mean, I get cramps in the arches of my feet and stuff but I never usually cramp up. And it hurt SOO bad and I tried to keep dancing but it was just like no...not working. And I was forced to sit on the floor in a semi fetal position in everyones way while I waited it to lessen so I could keep dancing. I was so very very mad... and lyrical.. well I always screw over lyrical. I'm so bad at it, I mean I suck at everything but lyrical tonight was like... really bad. I was way off, my spacing sucked, and the panche at the end oh don't even get me started. Ever since I screwed up my foot my panche has sucked major ass cause I can't balance for shit. It makes me so frickin mad!!! But I promised Amy I would fall flat on my face at recital before I put my hands out to catch myself. So... lets hope it doesn't come to that eh?

Well I have typed MORE than enough for tonight, I'm off to go do other things. Like talk to my Becca, :)

*Reverie*

I love you, I hate you, I can't get around you. I breathe you, I taste you I can't live without you.

Yeah soooo I tried really really hard to hate Adam. And since last night I have been doing rather well. See what happened was he signed on for like 10 minutes and signed off without talking to me. And I wasn't going to talk first, he was the one that didn't call me. Yes, I'm a stubborn asshole. But I think it was deserved. Anyway, so I was grumpy about that, I know its so petty but that doesn't matter. I can be immature if I want to! You can't tell me what to do! haha =P

Anyway, the reason I'm having problems hating the kid is I saw him today. Well see, I went to Kmart to do some last minute recital shopping and we pulled in and I saw his car and I was like.. oh damn it... my mom tried to park by it and I was like MOM No! Park over there!! She was all "what its not like Adams going to come out and see it," and I was all "Its the principal of the thing!" then we went in and bought all the crap I needed and Adam works check out so I was like stalling.. dragging my mom around the store. See, if I went to his asile it would seem like I didn't care he didn't call. Now if I didn't go his asile he might think I hated him. Which I don't, I just...was grumpy at him... But he was moving some carts so I had a ligitamet excuse not to go in his asile. And he came over and talked to me for a second and I ended up totally flirting with the kid and it was terrible. I didn't want to flirt with him! I wanted to glare and go grrrrrrrrrrrrr! Screw you!! But no! It turned into "So your too good to come to my asile now, I see how it is." Me: "No... you weren't at your asile... I love you Adam!" And then I turned back to chasier and literally growled. I was like.. damn it... It just kind of came out! And with the growling combined with the death stare I gave the chasier on accident I think I scared her. lol I didn't mean to glare at her, she was just in the way. So technically I did glare and go GRRRRR but it was to the wrong person. Anyway I was leaving and I think he said he would be on later. I don't know.. he mutters. And so anyway, in conclusion... he has no idea I'm angry at him. I mean I'm not really annymore, its so hard to be angry at someone so oblivious and so completly huggable. Curses...

In other news I got two new shirts today at Hot Topic. One is the teletubbies. haha It was 4.50 and it says Big Hug! on the front. You can't go wrong with that. And the other is a mens extra extra large and its awesome on the front it has a picture of a loaf of bread and in large letter it says "Man cannot live on bread alone..." and then in smaller letters it says (Unless he's in a cage and thats all you feed him.) I find it to be quite the knee slapper.

Well I'm going to go do other things... maybe wrap recital presents which I finally finished making at 1 AM. But I stay up that late like everynight so its no prob bob.

*Reverie*

Happy 4th!

I watched Bruce Almighty today, it was an okay movie. Jim Carey of course was funny. But as soon as he got the powers of God he did such stupid things. First thing he did, run home and get laid. What the crap you have a steady girlfriend.. you can get laid whenever you want... do something usful!! Man first thing I would do would be like something important. Like ending world hunger or something. After which I would make myself a good dancer. I mean I don't have to be a prima ballerina or something. But better than as sucky as I am now of course I could do this myself with some work... but if I had the powers of God I wouldn't need that hehe. Then I would make Brandonn impotent and no matter how much natural male enhanment is used he will be forced to be sexually frustrated the rest of his life. Then I would give Adam gonneria (sp?). Stephanie and I decided this is fair punishment because its cureable. Not like I'm wishing oral herpes on him or something... anyway.

I started getting ready for recital tonight. Yeah go me, two days before dress rehearsal I start to get ready. I'm so smart. I am making Steph come to recital, well Steph and Katie but Steph is spending the night. So I'm excited. But getting ready is a pain in the butt. Apparently, even though I THOUGHT I kept all my dance stuff together. This is a lie, I found so much crap I needed randomly around my house. And I worked on my recital gifts, which I am almost done making. I have 4 left. I want to give out like daisys with them too. And I have to buy candy for the young un's.

Well I'm done for the night, I'm pissed off at someone which I will go into tomorrow.

*Reverie*

Well if its to anyones interest I am no longer sulking. As in my 2nd to last blog I was angerily sulking and then the last one I sulked in an apologetic fashion. But I am no longer sulking cause today wasn't too terrible. It wasn't amazingly good, but it wasn't too terrible either.

It started off when I went to work. WHOOOHOOOO... I folded papers for 2 hours and got numerous paper cuts. Then Amy picked me up and I babysat Kenzie and Jake for awhile. They were really good today. We made balloon people, which after I took my balloon home and left it unattended my cat murdered and we watched Cat in the Hat which is really more adult then it should be. I felt bad laughing at the jokes cause Kenzie and Jake didn't get them so they were asking me what they meant and I was like Umm... I don't know... Yeah, oh well. Then we went outside and they played with thier bikes while I looked at clouds. I was trying to figure out what shape they were but I couldn't eventually Kenzie and Jake came over and layed down next to me and immediatly saw animals. Jake even saw an ardvark which after he pointed it out I saw it too. At that moment I felt very old because I can't see animals in clouds anymore. Then I was going to go to Brandis shin dig but I couldn't get ahold of my mom which made me pout because I wanted to go and eat hot dogs. Amy told me if I wanted to come later I could call and she would come pick me up but I don't know Brandis number and I would feel bad making her come pick me up. So thats not happening. I can sit home its alright, I did fine doing it last night. lol Well actually I didn't, as you read I went into a downward morbid depressing spiral. But thats a diffrent story. Back to my day, after I got home I was lookin through my dance pictures and they came out pretty good this year. My mom doesn't like my solo picture cause I look evil. She only likes my ballet and tap cause I'm smiling. Which I do all the time, but when on a regular basis do I walk around looking like I'mma kick someones ass. Never, so obviously I like that picture better. lol Then I worked on recital present, which is a pain in the butt. I'm making them all by hand and I have like 15 to do.. after an hours work... I have 3 done. Its gonna take forever but I think thier pretty darn cool. Actually they are pretty lame, but I'm gonna try to pull them off as cool.

Colleen and I are plotting my revenge on Adam. Which I have no desire to have revenge on him cause I'm not a spiteful bitch. BUT its fun anyway. Here are our plans thus far:

Plan A: Hire an old lady to go through his line at Kmart and take a shit so he has to clean it up. (this has actually happened to him before, but I didn't pay the lady she just had no control of her bowels... poor Adam...)

Plan B: Go to his asile and mess up the candy and newspapers. I guess Colleen has studied Adam while he works and she says he is anal retentive about the candy and such in his asile. She claims "Everyime he isn't checking someone out he is arranging the candy and crap so everything is perfect." No I didn't pay her to spy on Adam, she is just observant like that I suppose.

Plan C: (possibly the best plan) Steal an electronic wheelchair from Kmart, afterwards stock up on toilet paper and eggs. Go to his house late at night. You know where this is going people. Of course this wouldn't ever work, I dunno where he lives nor do I have a desire to hijack an electronic wheelchair from Kmart for Colleen.

Of course I will never do any of this, I don't hate Adam and I'm not into revenge. But its so funny to think of. I feel very mean posting this blog with all this anti Adam stuff. I'm not anti Adam, he just sucks.

*Reverie*

Okay I retract all the swearing from my last blog. I also retract all of the anger I portrayed toward Adam. No I haven't talked to him and heard his side of the story or anything but I suddenly miss him so very much. I don't feel well either and I wish I had someone to talk to to distract me. Stephi isn't on and so I'm really lonely. I don't know its just that at night I always talk to Stephanie because she goes through the same thing I do every night. I don't know how to explain it its just like the darker it gets outside the more I feel trapped and alone. And I hate the feeling more than anything else in the world. Thats why I talk to her on the phone for hours at night. Last night we were up until 3 AM being retarded and it was so fun and I didn't even think about being alone. So yeah thats why I talk to Steph so much, she gets everything. I love her so very very much!! Oh Stephis on now so I can go get not lonely! Laters!!!

*Reverie*

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend. You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living it. And if you do not want to see me again I will understand.


So my new theory on Adam is he needs to go fuck off. He makes a date with me and doesn't keep it, yet is yet to get in contact with me and tell me he can't come. Okay, you don't understand so let me break it down for you. Adam asked me to go to the movies Monday, we didn't work out the details because... oh heck we had all week. How stupid of us because I talk to Adam like... twice a month. So Tuesday goes by and so does Wednesday. Wednesday night I convince my mom to let Adam drive me up to Oneonta. I was so very excited she said he could. But I still am yet to tell him because he is never on, and I tried to call Wednesday but he was in Binghamton and would be home late. Thursday comes and it occurs to me that the date is supposed to be tomorrow. Fortunatly Stephanie and I went for a walk and ran into him. I was so happy to see him it was pathetic. I mentioned I could go Friday and he could drive me. The response I get: a half hearted "Oh yeah?" or it was something that effect while he avoiding eye contact. This is an immediate like... stop the presses what the hell was that. He is the one that asked me, Jesus I wasn't forcing the kid to go with me. So I have a rather bad vibe about the whole date after that but I was hoping it was my paranoid/pessimistic side kicking in so I just ignored it. That night I staked out my computer from like 9 to 11 in hopes he would get on at some point. Of course not. The reason I needed to talk to him was because if he even did want to go on the stupid date I had no idea when it was. So this morning I keep the phone lines open, hey he might call. At 3 I had to go to work but I even came home early at 4:30 and checked if he called. No that would be silly why would he have called? I stayed off my computer until 5ish, then I got on thinking "hey last time he needed to talk to me he got online." He wasn't on, I called his house at 5:30 to get no answer. I tried again at 6:00 and got the same thing. Its about 8:15 now, I have seen no trace of the ever illusive Adam on the internet. And I don't give a shit if he has tried to call and the phone line has been busy because I'm on my computer. I wish I could just tell him to go to hell, but unfortunatly when I do get to talk to him I know the only thing thats going to come out is "Oh its no big deal, maybe we can hang out some other time." cause I'm too damn nice. But I do hope he is having a really great time wherever he is... asshole.

In other news, my Bookhouts are back from thier vacation. The jist I got out of it was there was a lot of fighting and watching TV. Which is silly because they could have just done that at thier own house. Well actually they couldn't have watched TV. So maybe not.

Well all that Adam ranting has worn me out. Until next time folks.

*Reverie*