Went to work. First day with no Justin... who I don't really miss after a REALLY screwed up dream last night... ew... anyway.

I was working in the board room and see... board room rules are usually whoevers in there first gets to pick the station and everyone else has to deal. Thusly why I know so many oldies songs and have heard Becky Holly bitch about "new music crap" for hours on end while swearing shes "forever a 50's girl." yeah whatever. Anyway, this guy comes in and I was there first. Thusly by the usual rules I have radio control. And he was all "will it bother you if I'm in here." and I was like "No not at all," and so he sits down 10 seconds later stands up and is like "I'm going to turn that off." and he goes over to the radio. It took a lot of restraint to keep from throwing my empty nector of the gods bottle at him. I was here first as was enjoying the lack of Becky and the ability to have the radio at just the right volume. Anyway, the guy goes to turn it off but can't figure it out. So instead of asking the lowly part time helper who was the one who turned it on in the first place he just unplugs it. I dunno, everyone who doesn't know me at the office or who works up front thinks I'm an idiot because I'm a teenager. It makes me mad.

Like, say that day when Becky Holley like tag teamed up with this old guy who was doing Mirabitos taxes. And they decided to teach me a few things about life, and unlike Jill and her unending but loveable rants they went on about how death is coming for me. But I don't know anything about death and I probably don't even think about it because I'm too young. I just wanted to tell them to shut the hell up. These people don't know me. I don't claim to be smart but for chrissakes with half the shit I've been through I think I deserve to be treated like more than a child. Gah, I get so angry I'm sorry I'll stop my I'm a teenager and I think I know everything rants.

So I went to lunch and got my schedule WOOT! But its screwed up so I have to go get it changed tomorrow... *not wooting*

Then I came back and went to work in my favoritist room with Stacie and Jill and they all had taco bell. It was like some unending nightmare. Aside from the wierd justin dream I had an Adam dream and in the Adam dream we went to taco bell and I ordered a lovely lovely taco and before I could eat it I woke up. I woke up at 4:30 in the morning wanting not only Adam but a taco with sour cream and lotsa cheese... *drool* Infact, the taco voided out the Adam thoughts and there I was at 4:30 in the morning trying to figure out how I could get my hands on a taco. Unfortunatly... it occured to me that you can't get a taco at 4:30 in the morning... so after much thought I got out of bed at 5:45 and went downstairs and had the left over pizza from yesterday. This was enough to make me not hungry but I didn't get back to sleep until 7ish and I had to get up at 8. So it kinda sucked... I feel like I'm being haunted be the ghost of a lonely bean burrito.

Well thats all for now gotta go to the store... like kmart... and I get to see someone hopefully. Not that I care cause I really... so don't... at all... don't care.... so don't care....

*Reverie*

See all those people on the ground
wasting time
I try to hold it all inside
but just for tonight
the top of the world
sitting here wishing
the things I've become
that something is missing
maybe I...
but what do I know

and now it seems that I have found
nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
slow it down, slow it down
without it all
I'm choking on nothing
it's clear in my head
and I'm screaming for something
knowing nothing is better than knowing at all
on my own..

-On My Own, The Used

God has finally graced Sidney Highschool with the 2004-2005 schedules. I know you all are just dying to know my schedule because you need to know if you have to sit with my sarcastic ass everday for the next 10 months. Because if so you should probably change your schedule specially if its a morning class because you all know I am a not nice person if its before 11 AM. haha

Per 1: English 11, Seltz
Per 2: Math B2/B3, Althiser
Per 3: Studio Art, Williams (also.. who the hell is she? Wheres Mr. Liss... this is an outrage... she better be cool...)
Per 4: Speech, Seltz (again...)
Per 5: Junior/Senior lunch. WOOT! I can leave the campus! WOOT! Bow to me and my upperclassman power!! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA
Per 6: Chemistry, Pysnik
Per 7: Chem Lab (odd) Junior/Senior Gym (even)
Per 8: SS 11
Per9: studyhall

Okay thats it the official schedule had it changed today.

*Reverie*

Today wasn't all the excitin. Hung out with Colleen and the Bookhouts and theys be funtabulous! hehehe Becca never did get her revenge! *frolicks evily*

I called Adam last night and we discussed mayhap hanging out today and he said he might call and he didn't. Well... at least he didn't say he super dooper would and then didn't... guess that makes it almost alright but not really... jerkface... Oh well, I am woman and can live without him hear me roar!! MUWHAHAHAHAHA *ahem* done. But I didn't get to show him all the things I learned... so his loss. haha Yeah don't ask... =P

Work tomorrow and there will be no Justin... *breaks into hysterical tears* Curse you all! But it IS the last week of actual work and that feels very very good I must say.

Thats about all.

*Reverie*

And you bring me to my knees again...
All the times
That I could beg you please in vain...
All the times that I felt insecure for you
But I leave my burdens at the door

But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
Your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

All the times that I felt like this won't end was for you
And I taste what I could never have it's from you
All the times that I've tried
My intentions... full of pride
But I waste more time than anyone

But I'm on the outside...

All the times that I've cried
All this wasted it's all inside
And I feel all this pain
Stuffed it down it's back again...
And I lie here in bed
All alone I can't mend
But I feel tomorrow will be okay...

Inside your ugly your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

-Outside, Staind

I cleaned my room more today.

Might call Adam tonight if I can stop being a chicken.

The End.

*Reverie*

(Yeah I know, the blogs sucked lately but life has just been really boring so I have nothing to say.)

Grr... had this long blog all written out and then my computer went all error retarded.... grrrrrrr!

So.. to recap: Hung out with Adam last night. Woot! Fun times! Tacobell's cool, as are his friends... but tacobells cooler...

Slept today. Cleaned my room. Theres a really high pitched ringing noise outside and its hurting my ears... curse you high pitched ringing noise!!!!

The End.

*Reverie*

We drive tonight,
and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
The time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
Its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.

And if I could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
and never let go...
I'll never let go.

As we round the corner
to your house
you turned to me and said,
"I'll be going through withdrawl of you for this one night we have spent."
and, I want to speak these words
but I guess I'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.

and I... don't want to speak these words.
cause I, don't want to make things anyworse.

Why does tonight, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts?
We'll skip the goodbyes.
If I had it my way,
I'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and I.

and I... don't want to speak these words.
cause I, don't want to make things anyworse.

-Tiger Lily, Matchbook Romance

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

-Wonderwall, Oasis

Good song Becca told me about... Hopefully gonna see Adam tonight. I'm super dooper hoping work didn't kill the boy and he's too tired to chillax. I would be saddened if this happened but he gets tired easily... pansey... needs to work out... but I think he stresses too much. Needs to chillax! And who better to chillax with then me? Nobody! Cept maybe Enya... or like Norah Jones or something...

*Reverie*

Whooo.

Alright, went to work today. Wasn't too bad. Hung out with the J man! hehe he told me I looked prettyful too. Well... actually... he just said my outfit was a change of pace and he liked it. Same diffrence. And he's goin' away next week! *cries* our last week of summer work and he won' be there!!!!!!!!! *more crying* he's my amigo!!! And he showed me his fancy fancy truck. Woot! It is really cute :)

Then I got out of work and Adam left me a voicemail saying his friends mom was really sick and her car was stuck in Binghamton and he needed to help her. I'm debating whether this is really really sweet that he is putting his own plans aside to help someone in need or it just sucks. I dunno, he apologized and everything so I can't be mad. And I'm not, he actually called. I'm training him well and I didn't really do anything to train him. Well... when he was 3 hours late I was dangerously quiet in his car but I dunno if he noticed... I think he did.... anyway, so instead I went to the shindig with Stephi and her Brad. They are so cute together... they are officially the only teenage couple I don't loathe.

But we got to the party and no one was there (this didn't change very much throughout the party mind you...) and there was this chiwhawha... oh man... the best part of the party revolved around that dog. I would like to note I am not exaggerating anything in this story at all... I'm tellin' it like it is. i couldn't make this up if I tried. So like Stephanie Brad Tony and I were standing around. There were a few others I didn't know they were friends of Brad and Tony. And I look over the chiwhawha is like barking at a tree and a cat comes out and I was like Yes! Cat Vs chiwhawha! so we start watching and the cat like slinks over to the dog and they start rubbing against each other and I was just thinkin' damn it there goes the entertainment. (though watching the tent fall over was slightly amuesing I must say.) And then the cat starts sticking its butt in the dogs face. Despite the oddness of this I'm like maybe its a greeting thing... dogs do it.. and my cat loves to stick her butt in my face cause she's a bitch. Then it took the "please mount me and have your way with me" position. I know this position because I own a cat and have seen it in various cat raising books. So I am all knowing on this topic. Anyway, then they went behind a bush for some "privacy" Tony of course tried to get a better look I dunno what happened though. Then! The best part of the story. the chiwhawha comes rolling out of bush out on its stomach legs sprawled and the cat is licking things that should not be licking. Basically, it gave the chiwhawha oral gratification. But I think everyone missed it but Stephanie and I because I was like grabbing Stephanie and gaping in horror and the whole... interspecies sickness. But Tony looked at was like "I must have missed it because they're smokin' a ciggerate now." hehe that kids a hoot.

But the rest of the party sucked. Well Tony and his friend played and they were good as usual. And Franny played and they were good but by that point I was gettin' eatin' by bugs and kept looking at my cell phone contemplating calling Adam which I just did now that i was thinking about it. Got his voice mail... curses... anywho. I got the Franny CD too. Frannys good for the soul. But all in all it was a reallyyyy bad party. Well except the part where the cat gav the chiwhawha oral gratification... that was definatly cool...

*Reverie*

let sun shine on us
And burn our skin
This change of season hasn't changed a thing.
This is the circle of our lives...

-One Season, Deconstruction of a Boy

Yeah that isn't actually how the song goes... well kinda.. thats just a few lines of it thrown together cause I'm too lazy to type them. Its a hella good song though. 'Tis my favorite song actually.

Wooo.

Went to work today. Fun. Justin came in my room and visited me which was good cause I was all alone. He's a funny kid. Gotta love him.

Then I watched some Invader Zim... I heart Invader Zim! its so beautiful!

My dad brought me home hotpockets from the grocery store! Woot!!

Then I went for a walk with Dann for a bit and now I just wanna talk to Adam. But I called his phone and he didn't answer... I was saddened. Oh my Lord I hope we get to see each other tomorrow. Dann just made me miss him so much more than usual cause he isn't a douche bag like Dann is. Though Dann is great conversation and I know him so well. For example, we ran into some friend of Danns from upward bound and Stephanie Hitt was with him and she had this little dog with her. And Dann like cuddled with the dog and hopped toward it innocently. But see.. I know Dann. And so we walked away and I was like "You wanted to kick that dog didn't you...?" and he was laughed and was like "oh how well you do know me." I dunno he's so funny. I still love him oodles but its just friendly love. I mean, I don't mind flirting with him but nothing more. I care about Adam far too much for such things. *sigh* so I just wanna talk to Adam but Nooooooooooo he didn't pick up the phone. I told him to call me and he better! Grrrrr!! hehe I just miss him thats all. I'll stop now. hehe

Before I get off Rachel has decided to completly end her blog. Why? I don't know, if I did it I'm sorry but I don't know what I did. if you wanna email me and explain that would be nice.

Thats all for now. Hopefully I won't get to post tomorrow cause I'll either be with my Adasmpie or be rockin' out at the hella kick ass concerty party thing. Woot!!

*Reverie*

How was I to know you'd ever leave?
How was I to know you cared for me?
When every time I looked at you
You acted like I was a fool...
How was I to know the truth?

With all the times you ran away
I never thought that you would say
"I'm the one who's lonely now"
And all the times I never said I love you
Now you're in the bed with somebody and everyone else

How was I to know that I was wrong
When I was talking during your favorite song?
How was I to know that I was right
When I caught you in your lies the other night?

But somehow I know
That we're gonna be alright
Somehow I know that we're gonna be fine...

-Everyone, Socialburn

I went to Kmart tonight. Mostly in hopes of seeing Adam but also I had to get cat food. Which I did both. I pretty much jumped outta my seat when I saw his car. Its such a cute car... lol And I went in and theres Adam like the lone ranger at the cash register. He was the only register open and there was little to no customers in the store so he was just standing there really bored and he saw me and gave me this wave that was like "my god I hate my life..." he's cute when he mopes... and I got the catfood it said it was 5.99 for a bag so I was like damn it... what the hell... the bags so small! But my cat won't eat anything else so it kinda sucks... damn inflation. But then I got to Adams asile and he rang it up as 4.32 and then he was a good man and used his employee discount on me. (what a sweet heart eh? lol) and so it was only 3 bucks and some odd change. And then I guess he was starved for human communication cause I was gonna go and let him get back to standing there but he kept talking... and talking.... I mean I love such things. But I didn't want to get him in trouble. But I guess it didn't matter. He asked if I wanted to hang out Thursday..... Thursday.. Why would God punish me like this? Its either a.) the kick ass party or b.) go cuddling with Adam and watching movies. Its so painful to choose you have no idea. I mean this is like... once in a great while kick ass party... I mean... Erie... franny... tony... come on! But... ohh... he's so sweet... GAH! Its so not right... I think I'm gonna hang out with the boy. Mind you if he's over an hour late I'm going to Afton. Its a great plan. And then if he calls after that he can pick me up from Afton. Anyway, he told me to call him and I felt bad cause he was so tired... like I swear he was falling asleep at the register. But I called him and we talked for a little while and I felt bad keeping him on the phone when he was so tired so it was a short conversation. But I feel special he wanted to talk to me. :) and he said he is gonna call me tomorrow. We'll see about this one....

Thats all for now...

*Reverie*

I´m just sittin´ here and don´t know what to do
there´s nobody here I could ask how to do
just me and myself and nobody else
Although you´re not here with me
I can hear your voice speakin´ to me
and when I close my eyes I can see your face
I know exactly what you´re about to say

It seems that I´m sittin´ here now for days
already now I feel their critical gaze on me
what would I give for just one damn word
but it´s just me and myself and nobody else

Maybe it´s the way you look at me
maybe it´s the way your smile makes me feel
maybe it´s the way you walk beside me
well something, somehow makes me so sure
well something, somehow makes me…

wanna just write ´bout what´s goin´ on inside
like you said I should try
right from the bottom of my heart
what I have on my mind
then there must be one more song for you
this is one more song for you

oh god are you sure that I deserve it?
oh god I don’t care if I deserve it.
but let there follow so much more I´m sure there will follow,
I´m sure there will follow so much more songs

-(One More) Song For You, Wonderwall

No idea who these people are but I liked the lyrics...

Hey yalls! I found this Calvin and Hobbes comic strip on my computer. Its basically Stephanie and I in cartoon form so I thought I would share. hehehe

Alright in case you forgot there IS a shin dig this Thursday. As in its two days away! here is the blog entry that if your cool you must read and attend. Btw, the deconstruction of a boy has been now added. he's muy bien and angsty and screamy and good stuffs. Though I won't deny he's a little odd.... :-/ there may be more added I dunno.

*Reverie*

Your the highest mountain I've ever had to climb.

-Our Last Conversation, Stars in December (no they aren't playing at the show... that'd be nice though...)

Doo dee doo...

Went to work today. Whooo. I reliezed I need a damn raise. The thoughts of quitting are quickly fleeing my mind because I'm scared of my boss. lol BUT! I deserve a raise. Seriously here, I'm the best damn part time worker they have. Today I did a job in less than an hour that takes Justin 3 hours to do. I mean, yeah he has a reading problem thing but still. And I'm trained on more programs then he is, and can do more jobs then him. So we ask why Justin and I make the same pay? And the answer: probably because my boss doesn't want there to be some wierd competitive thing between Justin and I. Which is stupid because Justin and I don't talk about our paychecks. Well, we discuss how shitty they are... but thats about it. And the Mirabito girls are airheads. All they do is application entries and the rizograph (the rizograph is a really fast copy machine thinger where you sit in a room and watch it while it makes like 2,000 copies... so boring.. but very hard to mess up.) And it just pisses me off, and if my boss wasn't scary I would just quit damn it. But my boss has this way of towering over me and giving me this disgusting smile while she peers down her nose at me. And in general she gives me the willies. Shes one of those people that to the unknowing person looks completly nice but theres like... something under the surface thats gross. Ugh.

Anyway, I'm gonna call Adam in a bit so here are some beautiful theTRACKRECORD lyrics that I have in my info. I can't get over how Adamie they are its... pathetic eh?

*Reverie*



And we drive, seems like miles
but we've barely left the driveway
and the silence is more than I can take
but I just don't know what to say
love struck hearts, filtered by the sound of passing cars
till you broke the silence, looked in my eyes, and softly whispered
"Slip away with me tonight,
forget about your worries they'll be waiting for you in the morning
watch the sunset here with me
don't promise that we'll last forever just swear that you'll remember me."
cry all night, it doesn't make it right
but it doesn't make it any worse
and you wrote it all down here in this letter
a list about a mile long of everything I've done
I'm at a loss, I never figured that this day would come
but if you need an answer, I'll take your letter please take me home
and I'll write down the words that you whispered in my ear that made me cry...
forget about your problems
forget about your inhibitions
forget about your problems
because only fools believe in them
i cried for you, tears that only love could bring
i cried for you, and let you look inside of me

-Last Ride Home, theTRACKRECORD

Heres todays hella good lyrics cause I know you guys love my lyrics so very much.. lol And I can related to these a bit more... kinda... I dunno... screw you its my blog if you don't like all my song lyrics don't read it. lol

My eyes burn from these tears
You think you'd learn over these years
Good things won't last forever
So what the hell am I suppose to do?
You only wanted the things that I couldn't give to you
And you had it all anyway

So take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place
Tell me I'm wrong when I say
"I can't expect you to stay forever with me."
I live for the single moment

I take back everything I've said
You would those words on your lips
As if they meant anything

Sometimes I feel I could drop off the face of the earth
It seems I do more harm than good
And I don't know if it's worth me losing sleep over this

So take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place.

-My Eyes Burn, Matchbook Romance

The disappearing act.

Rachels blog is gone. *twilight zone music* Stephanie said she couldn't get to it before when we were talking on the phone but I figured she was typing the address wrong but this is false. Rachel deleted it all. Personally I'm confused. After all the times she probably should have deleted it and she didn't she deletes it now. Mayhap she is mad at Stephanie or myself for a. Stephanies comments and b. My post. But we have no anger for her and if she is going to exercise her 1st amendment right so are we. Besides the 1st amendment was made mainly so people are protected to speak out against the government though its used for other things nowadays. It was not made so people can openly threaten other people. But really I don't think me and Stephanies comments are what it was. I dunno, I'm confused. Anyway.

Woke up around 12 only cause Stephanie called me cause she had a job interview (which she now has a job and makes 60 cents an hour more than me... curse you kevin grumble cakes!!!!!) It's now inspired me to find another job... of course this means giving up Justins b-boxing and feast days... and the ability to choose my own hours. But if I could just find a weekend job thats all I need... so if anyone knows some place tell me. (all like.. 4 of you that read this blog... lol)

It called for a lot of restraint not to call Adam today. Cause I called his house yesterday and he wasn't home and that afternoon I had called him and left a voicemail. So... curse you Adam!!! I'm not calling!!! I'm refraining!!! sorry.. I'm good...

I played GTA today and I heard the same damn song about 4 times so thats why I'm posting this paticular song today its such classic 1980's... lol and I'm done now. The End.

*Reverie*

Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must have been something you said
I just died in your arms tonight

I keep looking for something I can't get
Broken hearts lie all around me
And I don't see an easy way to get out of this
Her diary it sits on the bedside table
The curtains are closed, the cats in the cradle
Who would've thought that a boy like me could come to this

Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must've been something you said
I just died in your arms tonight
Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must've been some kind of kiss
I should've walked away

Is there any just cause for feeling like this?
On the surface I'm a name on a list
I try to be discreet, but then blow it again
I've lost and found, it's my final mistake
She's loving by proxy, no give and all take
'Cos I've been thrilled to fantasy one too many times

Oh I, I just died in your arms...
It was a long hot night
She made it easy, she made it feel right
But now it's over the moment has gone
I followed my hands not my head, I know I was wrong

Oh I, I just died in your arms...

-Died in Your Arms, Smokie

Ahhh... classic 1980's beauty. lol I may post some actually good lyrics in a second if I can find the ones I want...

Well I was going to post to Rachel and her I hate the world blog decided not to. But then Stephanie said everything I was going to anyway so that was easy... but I must say just one thing.

One of the things Rachel complains about is me and Beccas love for our men. She thinks we're stupid because we get all giddy and happy about them. Now I speak for myself only when I write this mind you. But Adam makes me feel so prettyful. He tells me I'm beautiful, asks me what I want then actually acknowlodges the damn answer, he doesn't BS me, wants to spend time with me and above all makes me feel like I'm worth his frickin' time something which Dann or any other guy for that matter has failed to do. So I'm sorry but I haven't talked to the kid for even ten minutes in over a week and I'm gonna wanna talk to him. And I know your probably thinking oh but how long will it last before she hates him again? I'm not saying we're gonna be together for extended periods of time. Hell the kid could find someone better than me rather easily. But I'm not going to condem the relationship because I know its going to fail at some point. That just makes it better because I want to enjoy it while I have it. Argh, sorry. I get ranty and then its all down hill. Most of this probably doesn't even make sense. But really, you can't say you don't ever think about guys cause your always right there lookin' at hot guys with Becca and I. I'm done now... here's some completly off topic The Used lyrics.


Look in my eyes
I'm jaded now whatever that means
By sharing these things I rip my heart out
It's worth my time
Whatever that means...
Hard to see up
My neck feels stiff until I wake up
The orange I choked
And back to my neck
It's worth my time
Whatever that means.... so

Share with me
Cause I need it right now
Let me see your insides
Or write me off
Cause I'd rather starve now
If you won't open up

Give it to me
Give me all... whatever you want
It's never been me
To want this much from you I can see
It tears me up

-Noises and Kisses, The Used

Hey guys. Back from vacation. Feels good to be home. :)

Though the Bookhouts were entertaining. Lets see... we went to Great Escape yesterday and that was cooltabulous. But it rained... a lot... lol But that just means no lines! And now I have a fancy poncho. Well actually I bought like 2 shirts, a hoodie, and a hat and the poncho... but they're all real cool! lol My shoes are still wet from yesterday too. Apparently converses are in no way water proof. Considering they're made out of canvas one would kinda figure but oh well. But besides that good vacation! The hotel thing was quite cooltabulous! I liked it and wanna go there again next time we go to Great Escape... no idea when that will be but regardless..

But the thing had like some rec room and we played lotsa pool. My dad pretty much killed us... he was hella good cause back in the day he used to go to the pool hall to

Oh yeah! I banged my head! lol Yeah see... I had my new hat on and I was looking at the ground cause the grass was wet and I had no shoes on and I was grumbling to myself about how converses should dry faster so I can wear them and I thought I was at the porch so I grabbed a pole and went to jump up on the porch... but instead I slammed my head against the stairs. Yeah because they were those stairs that go up a little ways then there's the platform and then they go up more. Well the platform was like... exactly the height of my head or something... lol And then it went black for like 1 second either that or I closed my eyes and stopped thinking. But if you can pass out and stay standing thats what happened. But after that I was like What the hell was that?! And I felt very very light and stumbled for a bit trying to stay on my damn feet cause I was unaware what was going on. Then I saw that those were large wood stairs I ran into and I was still attempting to stay up so I reached for a bush. Because when I think something to support my weight I think knee high shurbary. Anyway, the bush failed me and I flopped in a ball in the damn wet grass. Though my head was killing me in the back of my mind I was like "fuckin' wet grass..." I still hate the grass!! DAMN YOU GRASS!!! lol Yeah so I had a very large gooseegg on my head for a few hours but its gone now and it only hurts to touch my head. And my dad was like "sounded like you got hit in the head with a baseball bat." Yeah, too much Grand Theft Auto for my dad...

Anyway, I read in Stephanies blog that if she moves to FL (which her mom is apparently once again plotting even though I THOUGHT we had gotten rid of that stupid idea) Brads going with her. I guess this makes sense considering I'm pretty sure if they didn't see each other for even a week all hell would break lose and if they moved without Brad Stephanie would end up staring at her walls until her mid life crisis which would bring upon her unfortunate suicide. That is if she could even make it to her mid life crisis before killing herself from lack of Brad. (morbid? yes, but true) But I see the flaw here with her and Brad living with her parents. Stephanie thinks it'll just be dandy living with Brad and her parents. But you see my Stephanie... you know what you wanna do with Brad now? If only you could just get to his house sometime? Yeah well imagine he has no house for you to go to... it'll never happen. Your mom will keep you in your house with a chair and you and Brad will just live with your parents until someone gets in a fight about progression of relationships and your dad breaks out his camo and old army rifles. And then someone most likely Brad, if your dad has his way, will become deceased. And then you'll definatly never get what you want. So in conclusion moving to Fishy Lake is a shitty idea, and tell your mom so because you don't want Brad to die. The End. (and besides I have like 4 friends as it is, I don't need to get rid of another one... that would be 3 friends... that would suck...)

Well thats all for now I'm sick of typing.

*Reverie*

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night dear as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I woke dear I was mistaken
And I hung my head and I cried

I'll always love you and make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me and love another
You'll regret it all someday

You told me once dear you really loved me
And no one could come between
But now you've left me to love another
You have shattered all my dreams

In all my dreams dear you seem to leave me
When I awake my poor heart pains
So won't you come back and make me happy
I'll forgive dear I'll take all the blame

-You Are My Sunshine, No idea.... Kids bop? I dunno...

I'm in a better mood today. Good to know eh?

Got off my lazy butt and picked up my check and went to see Amy and get my dance schedule for next year. (I stopped procrastinating! Go me!! hehehe) Then I was talking to Amanda and found out dance doesn't start for another like 2 weeks. Jeese... first we have no studio and dance isn't even starting when they said it was. They need to start sending out memos cause no one tells me this stuff...

Speaking of dance I still don't know what I'm going to do for my solo next year. I'm debating about either some Vanessa Carlton songs or superhero by ani difranco... which has one "bad word" even though that statement like makes the song but it can be edited. I dunno... pain in the rear. Last year it was much easier finding a song. Then again last year I wasn't really looking I just kinda found it. Oh well.

Well keep getting disrtacted so I will write more later. If I don't get a chance then I will write more upon my return on Sunday.

*Reverie*

I'm over it
You see, I'm falling in the black obyss
Clouded by memories of the past
At last, I see I hear it fading
I can't speak it
Unless you will dig my grave
We fear them finding
Always winding
Take my hand now
Be alive

You see I cannot be forsaken
Because I'm not the only one
We walk amongst you
Feeding, raping
Must we hide from everyone?

I'm over it
Why can't we be together?
Erase it
Sleeping so long
Taking up the mass

At last, I see I hear it fading
I can't speak it
Unless you will dig my grave
We fear them finding
Always winding
Take my hand now
Be alive

Must we hide from everyone?

-Forsaken, Disturbed

To my mother:

(inspired by Rachels mother entries)

Mother, I do love you. You in fact went through much pain and became aniemic to bring me into this corrupte pain in the ass world. But I am still greatful for my life. I have you and dad, your good parents. You two never fight, infact... you flirt too much. (Your old, stop flirting with each other.) I have a bit of freedom and some trust. You support my hobbies including dance and boys. But there are things I feel the desire to touch upon.

You are paranoid.

Your husband enjoys violent video games. You've known this, this is the man that enjoys torturing bugs for a hobby. The 10 year old boy inside of him never really grew up. Thusly, blowing shit up on the TV is a great past time for him. His new love for Grand Theft Auto has made you paranoid. You asked him 5 times today and whenever he plays it if he's going to knife you in your sleep. What the hell mom. It took coaxing from dad and my yelling from the back seat "What the hell mom he's not gonna knife you, our house has guns in it. If he was going to hurt you he would have already." for you to shut up, read your book, and stop worrying about your husbands sanity. (to everyone else, my father is perfectly sane. I love him dearly and he would never hurt anyone. He just likes Grand Theft Auto because his inner menical 10 yr old self is yet to grow up. Don't worry, moms paranoid.)

You don't trust me very much.

You always want to read my blog and I refuse to let you. But regardless I censor my blog because I don't want you reading my thoughts and actions in case someday you get this address and invade. You don't know the account and the adults I do trust with this address... if you tell her... not cool. You think I write about you and bash you and talk of my hatred for you. This is the first entry I've ever really talked about you in. So here you go, guess you were right all along mom.

You put words in my mouth.

Okay, here is the prime example. The other night I'm talking to my mom, trying to get my curfew up to 12. Why? because when Adam goes out thats his curfew and if he takes me I don't want him to have to go home early cause I went with him. So you just get pissy at me and go "Heather your not 18, I know you THINK you are but your NOT." Oh the anger that was unleashed. Why do you think that? I know I'm 15 (16 in 2 months!!!!) lol but anyway. Just because I'm friends with Adam who's 18 doesn't mean I think I'm 18. I know my age. Thanks mom.

Thats all to my mother for now I'm sick of typing.

To the other adults you read my blog. You have yet to tell on me for various things, Pat I love you for this. lol Brandi... you almost got me in trouble once but you don't know it... I'll have to tell you that story at some point... lol Its a good one. But anyway, thank you for being good readers and not calling my mom everytime I do something to get me in trouble. Which I usual don't write these actions in here but I used to and you didn't tell so... yay! I love you all!

To my readers who are minors. Sorry you had to read this long post to the adults... word my mo fos... peace out.

hehehe

*Reverie*

Hello all you happy happy people.

I warn you all, anger is upon me for no damn reason and your all gonna hear about it. If you don't wanna hear the bitching skip this entry and read the pretty Ani DiFranco lyrics below it.

Alright today I slept until noon, trying to sleep off the whatever I had yesterday. I had to get up twice to go to the bathroom and I wasn't happy. I just wanted to sleep, but forces beyond my control wouldn't let me. Anyway, then I got up and was hit by my aunt with a sock until I got dressed. All I wanted to do was watch the Olympics and relax but no! We had to go see her damn horse. I love animals, but I didn't want to get up. Anyway, she wouldn't even let me shower we just had to go see the horse and my dad had tried to get me to ride the horse. I don't want to ride the damn horse. And everyones like get on the horse and your aunt will lead you around the pen. I don't want to get on the horse. Because a.) the horse is already skittish as it is, put some strange person that doesn't know what the hell she's doing won't help. b.) I was in a pissy mood and I just wanted to be left alone. Anyway, my mother just told them I was scared of the horse and I didn't even try to defend my self. I fed the horse, petted him, whatever. I wasn't scared of him just didn't feel like bonding with my like... anal retentive aunt. Though I love her dearly she IS a Haviland... lol But she can be helpful, like in this next paragraph

Anyway, after this we were in the car and I felt sick again... again out in the middle of nowhere. My aunt gave me some pill and told me to stop reading. Miraculously it worked. And since I stopped reading in the car I haven't felt sick. But it kinda sucks cause I've never had problems with reading and being in the car and the only time I get to read is in the car since I can't drive... *grumble* lol So there goes my reading time. But its not so bad, Michael Moore has begun to depress me about how much the world sucks ass.

Like I dunno when it was but in the 90's or something Russia wanted to join with the US and get rid of ever fricking nuclear warhead on the planet. Every damn one. But no. We didn't agree to it and so... nuclear war is still a threat and damn it that pisses me off. Ugh, that book makes me hate the government. It even talks about Clintons asshole policys... I actually liked Clinton as a political leader but nope... can't now... ass...

Anyway, then we went antique shopping. I contemplated dropping to the floor and faking a seizure (as my loving Stephanie taught me to do in time of boredom). But refrained cause the store was so big and there was like no people in it so chances are no one would have noticed. I did want a really old railroad crossing sign for my room. But that was $400 and chances are you could find half the stuff there at the dump so I found it quite pointless. I found sheet music to this cute old song that if I can find the lyrics online I will post on here tonight. Was a good Adam song. Its called "How Many Hearts Have You Broken?" Its so cute! Gah... I can't find it online. I almost bought the sheet music just for the lyrics. But it was a piece of paper for $3 and I could buy other stuff... like... stuff on sale somewhere... lol Yes I am an admitted sale-o-holic. Because I find things not on sale to be pitiful.

Ugh I keep thinking about Adam. Not that I care cause I sooo don't.
Thats all for now, I have a rant about people building but I'm waiting till I have it formed in my head well before I type it up. So umm... stay tuned folks!

*Reverie*

I will meet you
In some place
Where the light lends itself
To soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you
I have thorns
Like any rose
And you could hurt me
With your bare hands
You could hurt me
With the sharp end
Of what you say
But I'm lost to you now
And there's no
Amount of reason
That could save me

So break me
Take me
Just let me
Feel your arms again
Break me
I'll let you make me
Just let me
Feel your love again

Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let go
And lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul


Kiss me once
Or maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice

-Break Me, Jewel

I've never heard this song... just found the lyrics today so if it sucks don't tar and feather me.

I want somebody who sees the pointlessness
and still keeps their purpose in mind
I want somebody who has a tortured soul
some of the time
I want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery or maybe just put it all to words
and make me say, you knowI never heard it put that way
make me say, what did you just say?
I want somebody who can hold my interest
hold it and never let it fall
someone who can flatten me with a kiss
that hits like a fist
or a sentence, that stops me like a brick wall
because if you hear me talking
listen to what I'm not saying
if you hear me playing guitar
listen to what I'm not playing
and don't ask me to put words
to all the spaces between notes
in fact if you have to ask, forget it
do and you'll regret it
I'm tired of being the interesting one
I'm tired of heving fun for two
just lay yourself on the line
and I might lay myself down by you
but don't sit behind your eyes
and wait for me to surprise you
I want somebody who can make me
scream until it's funny
give me a run for my money
I want someone who can
twist me up in knots
tell me, "for the woman who has everything
what have you got?"
I want someone who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words I want someone
who's not afraid of themself

do you think I'm asking too much??

-Asking Too Much, Ani Difranco

hey again. Whats crackin? nm out here.

Went to Darien Lake today but something I ate yesterday made me SO sick and on the way up I was like writhing in pain in the back seat and we were out in the middle of no where so basically it was hell. (if you've never experienced this you are the luckiest SOB ever....) Finally got to Darien Lake and the bathroom became my haven. Anyway then I felt better and we went on a couple coasters. My moms in love now... which sucks cause now shes made me promise to take her on coasters at Lake George. Pff... shes gonna tag along like a pain in the butt little sister... but only on two coasters then shes gonna go off with my dad and do whatever they do when I'm not around which frankly I don't ever want to think about.

I picked up some good reading material at Waldens the other day (Rachel shall be proud). Its Stupid White Men by Michael Moore. He's great. If you hate Bush and enjoy conspiricy you should read the book. And it makes me giggle which makes it all better. And gives me even better reasons to hate Bush then I already have. Everyone loves that. lol

I'm actually on AIM but no ones on, screw you guys whatta you got thats so important to do at 6:30 on a Monday? Pfff....

I witnessed an outrage today btw. I was listening to the radio and the announcer came on and said up next was some Britney and Usher. (my dad had the control over the station so I sat in the backseat glaring at the radio... damn Britney and Usher....) anyway then they started playing some Dashboard Confessional. Which is like yay!! Everyone loves DC! But then it hit me... people that tune into a station to hear people like Britney and Usher are listening to this music right now. They don't deserve such greatness.... curse you all!! And so for this blog I will but DC lyrics at the end. But DC is far too good for you if you sing along to Toxic and probably own a pair of pants that say "Bootylicious" damn it I hate those pants.... speaking of which I got a chuckle out of this majorly obesse women in the casino because she was wearing a spaghetti strap that said "Hottie" and my mother turned to me and said "Heather, if you were that big would you wear a shirt that says hottie?" and I go "mom... I wouldn't ever wear shirts that says hottie" this brought on a long rampage of how much I hate those damn shirts that say that stupid stuff. I even hate them more than chicks that run around with like "A & F" on they're butts or "knockout" or something cause you know its just an excuse for someone to look at you butt and frankly I don't want to look at you butt so don't try to make me look at it by putting writing on it.... jerks....

Oh speaking of the casino I left out a great story in my entry yesterday. So my mom was sitting on a bench and I was walking across the hall to get to her and suddenly... over the radio that was playing in the hall... Vanilla Ice starts playing. What a great moment... you couldn't hear the words you just heard the "ding dada ding dada ding ding tick dading ding ding dada ding ding" (you know what I'm talkin' bout....) So I must say... I broke it down right there in the hall infront of people. I just started dancin' around and man I tore up that rug. Got a little cabbage patch goin' and if you know my 'shroom dance I did that too... and oh! I did the bootilicious dance (not the beyonce one... my own which is 20 times better) ... right in front of all these people. I dunno if people were looking cause I wasn't really watching them but someone had to have seen me. I really had an extreme desire to drop to the floor and spin around on my arm like they do at school dances when they try to be cool. But it was carpeted and I wasn't up for 3rd degree rug burns. If such a thing exists... it may... But my mom just stared in horror. And I was like MOM! Its Vanilla Ice that means its OKAY to do this! *goes back to cabbage patching* I don't mind embarressing my parents if we aren't around people I know. See the diffrence between when they embaress me and when I embaress them is just where we choose to embaress each other. For example, this ghettofied dancing would have gone unknown to you all had I not told you. Now my father who breaks into song that he makes up about farting around my friends... thats diffrent... I have to live with such things.

Thats all for now.

*Reverie*

Breathe in for luck breathe in so deep this air is blessed you share with me this
night is wild so calm and dull these hearts they race
from self control your legs are smooth
as they graze mine we're doing fine we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery, which ever you prefer.
The words are hushed lets not get busted,
just lay entwined here undiscovered.
Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions..
"hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers and
the time on the clock when we realized
it's so late and the walk that we shared together.
The street was wet and the gate was locked
so I jumped it and let you in and you stood at the door
with your hands on my waist and you kissed me,
like you meant it and I knew that you meant it...

-Hands Down, Dashboard Confessionals

Hey from Buffalo! Where the people are nicer and it sucks less.

Yeah I'm in Buffalo. We were gonna go to Canada but some smart one in the family *cough* mom *cough* forgot our birth certificates and so we can't get over the border. Actually... we could get out of the states but we wouldn't be able to get back in. Yeah... good one eh? So anyway, we were supposed to leave hella early in the morning yesterday but didn't actually get out of Binghamton until 4:30 PM. So yeah. We didn't get out to my Aunt and Uncles house until later that night. And the night was spent watching movies (Identity and like 1/2 of Bourne Identity which is reallyyy good and I'm gonna rent it when I get home.)

Then today we went to the mall and went school shopping for me. Quiet the vaca eh? Well I got two real cute outfits and an Invader Zim DVD (SUPER SCORE!) and I bought the converses I have oogled over for quite sometime now. They're black but the tounge is pink and there is a pink strip up the back. They're hella hot! I was gonna get 'em in high tops but I didn't they're regular. The high tops reminded me of Adams converses too much and having almost matching shoes would be rather freaky. My converses are what I imagine what would come out of Stephanies converses and Adams converses have converse babies. Cause Stephi has pink ones and Adam has black ones so it works... hehe

But I have come to the conclusion that God loves Buffalo. And he loves it a lot more than Sidney. Why you ask?

a. Niagra falls. We went today. Well its not so much Niagra Falls but moreso the cool cool tour called the Cave of the Winds tour. Where there really is no wind or cave cause the cave collapsed in the 1920's and they just didn't get around to renaming the tour. But there is the Hurricane Deck. WHHEEEEEHOOO!!!! I loved it. You were like.. soooo close to the falls it was like terrential rain fall but it was a water fall so it wasn't rain... but it was hella hella cool and I got soaked and it kicked ass.

b. Le Gourmet Chef.. This is a true gift from God. Really, I think he poked his head out from the clouds and said my gift to man kind for this century will be Le Gourmet Chef. There is testy foods everywhere. Like.. every asile. I frolicked around eating. It was beautiful.... *tear comes to her eyes* You don't get free samples like that anymore! And its not like people stand around working the food samples so they can make sure you don't eat a lot. You just casual walk by like 5 times and eat it 5 diffrent times. Oh its so lovely........ *goes into a daydream about Le Gourmet Chef*.....

Well thats all for God liking Buffalo for now. There will be more later I'm sure.

So after Niagra Falls we went to the Seneca Niagra casino. Or it was something like that. Good buffet I must say. But it was freakin' freezing in there!!! I wanted to buy a hoodie but the cheapest one I could find was $32. Problem 1: I only had $30.... that was painful.... and Problem 2: I didn't even like the thing I just needed warmth. So I just beared with my impending hypothermia and that was that.

Anyway we started talking about how the Indians run the casino and I mean this is no little casino. Its big, and not very indian like... there was a "bear tavern" aka a bar. And dreamcatchers in the "gift shop" also known as hella expensive shit you can buy at the Southside Mall for half the price. Anyway, obviously these indians were makin' a hella of a lot of money, but apparently NY doesn't tax them. Why? Because what we did to thier ancestors. This is BS I'm sorry but it is. If these people were like... one with nature and sold little afgan rugs at your local grocery store that would be diffrent. But no. These people are running god damn slot machines under like techno colored lights. Last time we tried to tax them they threw a hissy fit and blocked the highways on thier reservation via burning tires and trucks so people like myself who pay the damn taxes and will probably at some point throw a dime thier way in thier slot machine cannot get through. What the hell... Why do they get out of taxes but the little old woman who's worked her whole life and finally wins the lotto has to? EH?? EH??? Okay I made that up I dunno any little old woman thats suffered her life and then won the lotto. But come'on its gotta have happened at least once... And its not like they're the only ethnicity that white people have screwed over. I don't see African American getting tax exemption... Native Americans are panseys....

Yeah and so I called Adam and talked to him for like 5 minutes. I missed him until I called him. Usually when you miss someone talking to them doesn't help but like as soon as he answered I was like what the hell am I calling this kid for? And then I ended up looking like a bitch cause he got new shoes... yeah don't ask... anyway.... I wish I knew what was goin' on with that kid. Are we together? No. But we aren't like nothing. And frankly I don't wanna go through the whole half dating shit like I did with Dann... just pisses me off...

Well thats all for now. If anyone wants to get ahold of me my email is: thepifflingpigeon@hotmail.com I might be on AIM but chances aren't so good since I tried to get on today but I kept getting kicked off. Probably the firewall on my uncles computer or something.

Darien Lake tomorrow! Wooty woot!!

*Reverie*

Moving forward using all my breath
Making love to you was never second best
I saw the world thrashing all around your face
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace
I'll stop the world and melt with you
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
There's nothing you and I won't do
I'll stop the world and melt with you
Dream of better lives the kind which never hate
Dropped in the state of imaginary grace
I made a pilgrimage to save this human race
Never comprehending a race that long gone by
I'll stop the world and melt with you
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
There's nothing you and I won't do
I'll stop the world and melt with you
The future's open wide

-I Melt With You, Saves The Day

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends

Where are you? and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head...

-I Miss You, Blink 182

Yay! I gotsa see my Adam before I went away! I's be happy.

Course he called me 3 hours late.... I was so mad! I had a great angry speech planned... then he called.. ugh the voice! You can't be mad at that kid... gah... Someday I'll get real mad though and then you'll all see the rath of Heather!! MUWHAHAHAHHAHAHA...but until then...I shall remain easily swayed. Anyway, since he was so late calling we only gotsa hang out for an hour and like 10 of it was spent by me and his dad watching the Weather Channel and laughing at the idiots on there. lol He's gotta nice family I likes 'em all oodles. Adam the mostest of course but regardless. But then we started the movie that we couldn't finish because my mom said I had to be home at exactly 10. No expections. Not even 10:01. So I get home at 10:10... lol My mom isn't even up, my dads playing video games and has no idea what time it is and I just wanna be likeDAMN YOU ALL! I was having some of the best cuddelage of my life and you interupted it and then you aren't even up to see me get home... GAH!

Well thats all for now, see yall in a week. Unless of course I post from my aunts house but between the hot tub and the dart board the chances are slim.. hehe

*Reverie*

hey yalls.

My mouth hurts soooo bad! I have my retainer in and I haven't worn it all summer. Its killin' me. I'm scared to take it off cause its gonna kill me! Well... maybe not kill me. But I will probably be reduced to lying on the floor in the fetal position. Yeah I have low pain tolerance when it comes to my mouth. I have major teeth falling out issuses. I mean anywhere else on my body I can usually just pretend I don't feel it but my mouth... oh Lord. Doesn't happen.

In other news I'm gonna go see one of my favoritist amigos today. My Adam. :) Well not mine but ya know... I get possesive. hehe But yeah we're gonna rent a movie and chillax. I'm glad I get to see him before I leave for vacation. (I'm shippin' out tomorrow at like 6 AM.) I'll be back Wednesday and we're vegging Thursday and then Friday we's be off again with my Bookhouts in tow. I may still write in here though cause we're stayin' at my Aunts and I have like my own floor there. Well its like a basement but thats were my room is and 2 computers and TV and my pride and joy dartboard which I am SO bad at... but its fun. Gah but I can't wait to see Adam. Not that I care cause I SO don't care.... so don't care... *mutters*

In other news...

I believe I have done something to anger God because we had another bat last night. He was much smaller than double C. He was probably 3 or 4 inches in wing span, so I wasn't really scared of him. I was scared of Double C though cause he was hella frickin' big. But this one that I have named sharles after a Ryan conversation. Anyway, I was about to out in the hall when sharles came flying up the stairs into the hall. My dog immediatly bolts and I slame my door yelping. Its probably about 11:30 right now my moms dead asleep. Shes just like what is it? me: A BAT!! her: a what? me: Mom its a frickin' bat in the hall. He's small this time though! My mom gets up and is excessivly angry. Swearing very very loudly. She was understandably mad. We had just had a bat 2 nights ago and we have no idea how they're getting in. Anyway she waits for sharles to go back downstairs and she comes out with a laundry basket and looks down the stairs. I had turned all the lights off downstairs. They always yell at me if I leave them on and my mom just stares down the stairs and was like you turned the lights off... and I was like Yeah... "why?" "cause... you always tell me to..." man... can't make these people happy... She just continues to stare down the stairs grumbling at everyone and totally stalling. Then the greatest thing ever happened.... she was looking down the stairs complaining she didn't know where the bat was and sharles just flys up the stairs at her face. Oh man... at the time it wasn't funny since I like dove into my room and my mom stood in the hall screaming hysterically. And she tried to run but sharles like followed her and oh man... so funny.... I'm hysterically laughing as I write this... I swear it was the greatest thing. Sharles of course just wants to get away but he was scarin' the shit out of my mom. Whoo... good times good times... we got sharles out eventually cause my mom went downstairs with her laundry basket that doubles as a shield and got him out the door. I probably could have gotten rid of sharles but I wasn't about to volunteer if she was gonna do it. I'm dreading coming back from vacation... I hope we don't have like 5 bats in my house... of course my cat won't kill them.... in fact she doesn't even look at them. But she'll attack and kill my feet without a problem... damn cat...

Well thats all for now.

*Reverie*

Holy cow! I think I've got one here
Now just what am I supposed to do?

I'm shaking at your touch
I like you way too much
My baby, I'm afraid I'm falling for you
And I'd do about anything to get the hell out alive
Or maybe I would rather settle down with you

I can't believe how bad I suck, it's true
What could you possibly see in little ol' 3 chord me?
But it's true - you like me and I like you too
I'm ready, let's do it baby.

I'm shaking at your touch
I like you way too much
My baby, I'm afraid I'm falling for you
And I'd do about anything to get the hell out alive
Or maybe I would rather settle down with you

-Falling For You, Weezer

Long time no entry. Okay thats a lie, its only been two days. But it feels like forever since much interestin' stuffs has happened. I will tell you all the short hand version.

Monday: Talked to Adam online, was nice. Missed the good convos he provides. He asked I wanted to hang out the next day. Hells yeah I did! He said he would be over at 4.

Tuesday: Went to work, alphabetized for 6 hours. Jill did a great impression of Adam once again squishing my heart into the ground (or the cheap mirabitos carpeting in this case) because he was going to stand me up again. At 4:30 Adam was still MIA and very very angry thoughts flashed through my head. I wasn't about to prove Jill right so I just innocently played with my cat. SO not caring... Steph called. I ranted to her. I love her for dealin' with me. lol Then I got off the phone with her and Adam called (Its 5 o'clock by now). Where was he you might ask? Oh he fell asleep... grrr. But I couldn't come over until his mom comes home so he had to call me back when she got home. He called me back and 7 and was over shortly after and we went to his house. He has the coolest stupidist dog and the bestest couch ever. We watched the Speed channel until 10. Well actually we did watch some spongebob. But I fell asleep cause I had already seen it and his heart beat was definatly sleep inducing. Anyway, twas good times. I came home and my dad hadn't paid the internet bill so we got shut off. I was tramatized.

Wednesday: Thought about Adam. I confess, one track mind. Jill asked how he was and I said he was great... and just left out the part he was like 3 hours last. Shhhh it'll be okay. No one will know. Cept everyone that reads this blog. Which is like 5 people. lol Dad paid the internet bill but changed his user name and forgot he did so and so we couldn't get online again. I went into slight withdrawl.

Thursday (aka today): Went to work. Came home. Called the mkl people cause the net still wasn't working. They told me he had changed his username.... I swear... I can't believe he forgot he did that. And then I got on a prettified my info, :)

Thats all... no interesting thoughts for the day.

*Reverie*

(some chick)

I remember it well
The first time that I saw
Your head 'round the door
'Cause mine stopped working
I stood in the stairs
And time stopped moving

Want you here tonight
Want you here
'Cause I can't believe what I found

Want you here tonight
Want you here
Nothing is taking me down, down, down...
Except you, my love...

(angsty excessivly hot male voice starts)

Come all ye love
Dive into moss
I hope that my sanity covers the cost
To remove the stain of my love
Paper maché

Come all ye reborn
Blow off my horn
I'm driving this hard
This is love, this is porn
God will forgive me but I,
I whip myself
Scorn, scorn

I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
I remember to stand by.

And I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
What the hell do you want?

-I Remember, Damien Rice

I'll be true
I'll be useful
I'll be cavalier
I'll be yours, my dear
And I'll belong to you if you just let me through.

This is easy as lovers go
So don't complicate it by hesitating
This is wonderful as loving goes
This is tailor made
What's the sense of waiting?

I said, "I've gotta be honest.
I've been waiting for you all my life.
For so long I thought I was asylum bound
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
The feel of you here makes me sane.
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my sight."

You've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion,
But are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?
Tonight, tonight
You've got me.

-As Lovers Go, Dashboard Confessionals

Count Chocula: The Trilogy.

The naming of the bat to count chocula is thanks to a Dann conversation.

Written and experienced by: Heather Haviland

Book One: The entrance.

It was a dark night, like most nights are dark. But this, was really dark. A foolish young girl was in the kitchen. Eating chocolate ice cream and talking to her friend on the phone. It was late, but she didn't have work in the morning so she scoffed at the idea of actually sleeping.

Suddenly! Out of the corner of her eye, from the living room! A swish of black! She stared. Pretended it was the cat. But she couldn't avert her eyes because of her worst fear. A bat. It came again! A big bat! From 7 to 9 inches in wing span. Horror came upon her face as she let out a screech and dropped the phone. Then picked it up, babbled to her friend she would call her back, screeched again, threw the phone, and ran screaming up the stairs.

Blindly in the dark she ran to the bathroom and slammed the door! After turning on the light she checked behind the shower curtain for bats. Then she yelled in a high pitched voice "DADDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

her mother rose, "what?"

"THERE'S A BAT!!!!!"

"where?"

"downstairs in the living room!"

"well did you at least shut the living room door so it wouldn't get out."

She paused, pondering the logic behind this theory. "no..."

Her father then rose, asking whats going on. Her mother filled him in, after some cursing and kicking his daughter out of the bathroom he went downstairs... dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnn!

Book Two: The So Called Death of Count Chocula.

He went downstairs armed with nothing but a small flashlight and a broom. There was silence, a door opening and shutting, more silence.

"dad is it gone?" she cried feebly from her bed room.

Her father replied "I think." She pondered this, how do you think you catch a bat... After a few minutes she trekked nervously downstairs to find her father making bacon. She stared puzzled at him...

"dad... where's the bat?"

"I don't know." he replied.

"Dad.. how do you not know where the bat is?"

"Well... " goes back to fixing bacon "I hit it, but I can't find it now."

"soo... your saying there's a dead/dying bat somewhere in our house and... your making bacon..."

"Yeah."

"Thanks Dad."

Then her mother came downstairs and while the bacon was cooking they tore the room apart looking for the bat but it was MIA. That night her father left for work.. not to return for two days. They slept uneasily, bedroom doors shut as tight as possible and covers pulled up very far. All animals were rounded up into bedrooms too, and a certain cat killed a certian piggy bank that night... damn you certain cat!!

Book Three: The Return of Count Chocula.

All day alone in her house the girl sat on edge. She refused to set foot in the room Count Chocula had last been seen in. And most of the day was spent locked in the living room with the two animals playing violent video games. That night, she sat alone on her computer. Again! A flash of black was seen in the corner of her eye. But from the kitchen this time. Praying it was only a shadow she stared. BUT NO! It was Count Chocula back for his revenge! She let out a piercing shreek and ran for the bathroom again. She yelled for her mom who didn't hear her at first because she was outside. But soon she heard her and yelled "is it that bat?" Like it could possibly be something else... Pff... She then ran from the bathroom to the computer room door and slammed it with a battle cry. She was safe in the computer room. Bat free. Her mother then opened the back door and Count Chocula flew out into the night. Never to return because his life goal of finding a suitable place to raise little choculettes was not fuffilled here because of the poor electrical system. So in the end everyone lived happily ever after! But be warned! Sleep with your bedroom doors shut!

*Reverie*

Somethings not right here I start to show my fear. My heart beats real loud from the sounds. Its getting real close now, an image appears I run as fast as I can. I trip on a log and I fall to the ground and listen as it surrounds. I turn around I've been found. Demons are after me, in my dreams its reality. Sweat in my eyes or is it blood from where the demons got me. Try not to sleep cause I want to keep these nightmares away that are me. Drifting away I am falling asleep, these demons they start to creep.

-Some song Dann sent me. I thought it as fitting... I dunno if those lyrics are right I kinda just listened and typed at the same time. Theres a hella cool guitar part at the end too. In case you were wondering cause I know you were. I bet you were like "nice lyrics... but is there a cool guitar part?" Well there is!

Today was like good. Well the ending sucked. We'll get to that later though.

Started off I woke up... played video games... showered... (yeah it was exciting.) But then Becca called and said she couldn't find Brandon. So no movie monday. Yeah screw you Brandon! Then Misty my old amgio called. She was up at the pool so we went to see her. She talked about her summer the whole time. None of us really got a word in edge wise. She listed off all the alhochol she drank in one night. Like 4 beers and 10 shots of whiskey and a bottle of some blue stuff and she said she hadn't gotten drunk only a buzz. Wtf. Your right that wouldn't get you drunk you would get alchohol poisioning or like choke on your vomit. Whatever I don't care. Anyway, then we were gonna go hang out at her house but we abandoned her. I'm sorry! But it was boring. It was all about her amazing summer, none of us could tell her our stories. Which we have stories! And they're good stories! Screw you! haha

Then we went to Joe and Vinnies and Becca got asked her number from her Adam since he lost it the first time around. Mind you he is HELLA hot. Beccas so lucky. haha

Then we went to Kmart cause Becca wanted to go see Jeff and I needed super glue to fix the piggy bank my cat broke last night. And the possibility of seeing Adam lingered in my mind. But I figured I wouldn't since I hadn't seen him the last few times I went that. Well we drove up the parking lot and I saw his car and about jumped out of my seat. Yay! Adam! Even if the possibilty of us dating is like gone I still love him oodles and miss his car obsession and our stupid conversations. (Is it a herpi or a herpe? Gotta love that.) So we went in there and we went searching for super glue to fix my piggy. We couldn't find any super glue, but we saw Jeff who pointed us in the right direction. And gave Becca his number dispite the fact he has a girlfriend. I don't know.. don't ask. Anyway, got the super glue went to check out and I see Adam. Make eye contact and small smile and he just looks away. Thoughts that come to mind : Adams in a shitty mood. Seeing me does not help the mood. So I kinda keep my eyes down and shuffle forward. He rings up my single tube of super glue, looks at me and is like "this is it..?" Kinda like he was saying "man thats sad... pick something cool to buy as an excuse to come in my asile." And I just muttered it was for my broken piggy. It was really sad. And I was bummed, I hadn't seen him in so long and he just doesn't care when he does see me. So... fuck you Adam! *ahem* that felt good.

So I came home and turned up some hatebreed and fixed my piggy while singing along and hating Adam. haha Hatebreed is good therepy music. I must write about the bat now. But thats a whole nother blog.

*Reverie*

Think I'm going for a walk now I feel a little unsteady. I don't want nobody to follow me 'cept maybe you. I could make you happy you know?... if you weren't already. I could do a lot of things and I do. Tell you the truth I prefer the worst of you. Too bad you had to have a better half. She's not really my type but I think you two are forever. And I hate to say it but you're perfect together. So fuck you and your untouchable face. And fuck you for existing in the first place. And who am I? That I should be vying for your touch. And who am I? Bet you can't even tell me that much. Two-thirty in the morning and my gas tank will be empty soon. Neon sign on the horizon, rubbing elbows with the moon. A safe haven of sleepless where the deep fryer's always on. Radio is counting down the top 20 country songs. And out on the porch the fly strip is waving like a flag in the wind. Y'know, I don't look forward to seeing you again soon. You'll look like a photograph of yourself taken from far far away. And I won't know what to do and I won't know what to say. Except fuck you... I see you and I'm so perplexed. What was I thinking? What will I think of next? Where can I hide? In the back room there's a lamp that hangs over the pool table and when the fan is on it swings gently side to side. There's a changing constellation of balls as we are playing I see orion and say nothing. The only thing I can think of saying is fuck you... And who am I? Bet you can't even tell me that much. And who am I? Somebody just tell me that much.

-Untouchable Face, Ani Difranco

The Hottie. (hehehe the Bookhouts get it.)

I just read Beccas blog and reliezed I left out the hot guy that was at Quickway. Okay so we're in line to pay for our foods and he comes in and starts getting cash from the ATM. The hottness.. it was more than hottness.. It was... it was just 100% all American good. My jaw was hanging slackly from my face. And then he turned around and I immediatly closed the mouth and turned around stared at the counter. But I swear he was looking at us cause I looked back once and he was looking at either Becca or Rachel and he looked at me and I looked away in attempts of acting like I didn't care. So obviously cared. lol Then we were leaving and he looked me like right in the eye and I was like *stare at the hottness* and as soon as we get out the door before it even closes Rachels just mutters He was hot! And then the door closed and litterally in unison we all went "Oh.. my... God..." and then broke into hysterical laughter. We're such teenagers. I love you both! haha We're like the 3 Muskateers & the three stooges combined, but much better. haha

*Reverie*

Yay! Last night was be fun! hehe was be. That makes sense. Anyway, there was a shin dig in Afton a friend of the family was having and I dragged the Bookhouts to it. Why you ask? Why would I force my friends to a party where they wouldn't know anyone and be slightly uncomfortable the whole time? Because I don't know these people either. lol My parents do they're all old chums. I'm just known as Rogers daughter and people continuously point and say "I haven't seen you since you were THIS big! *bends over so hand is at knee level* You've gotten so big!" And its just like why yes... yes I have...

Anyway, we just ended up eating a lot, complaining about the lack of guys there, and taking our chairs and sitting as far away from everyone else as we could while still be close enough to the fire to prevent hypothermia. Hey! It could have happened. And we just sat around talking about guys (suprise suprise! haha come on, get me and Becca together and its a one topic conversation). There was one kid at the shindig that wasn't bad looking. He was like an x Amish. Apparently they were Amish and then they stopped. I don't know, I don't ask. But he had these pants... they were bad... very... very... bad. *shudder*

Then we left there and came home. Now throughout the party we had passed my parents talking politics with thier amigos. I was unaware my family was Bush supporters and I was immediatly shamed and went away from them. So on the way home we get on the topic again. My parents went on and on about how Bush lays the cards out on the table, does what he thinks is right, doesn't try to please everyone, follows his Christian beliefs, blah blah blah blah. This just angers me. Bush lays out all the cards does he? He was so damn sure that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction and plans to use them against us. He sent us to war and now is saying "whoops... there was none... my bad." So now he's saying that well he had the intent to get WMD's and was planning to use them on us Americans. Oh yes, now that Saddams gone theres no one on the planet who would want to do that. And its people like Bush that made it that way. Americans were respected at one point... I think. And as far as what Bush thinks is right, and what actually is right... theres a diffrence. His opinions are really biased because of his like OCD about Christianity. But Rachel said exactly what I've been thinking for like ever. The enterity of America is not Christian. Yes, its the predominant religion, but everyone here isn't. So just basing decisions on your religious beliefs is pretty frickin retarded? What happened to seperation of Church and State? And my parents are like oh he doesn't try to please everyone. And its like damn right he doesn't, he does what he wants. Despite what he should be doing, when your going to a war that like no one in the world will back you up on that should say something. Idiot. I hate him. lol During the speechs between Rachel and my parents with my occasional comments I said "Yeah so wheres the weapons of mass destruction? Oh yeah, there were none. We just killed like 800 soldiers for no damn reason." My mother turns to my father and says "as opposed to how many American citizens?"(referring to 9/11) my father "3,000" my mother "yeah 3,000 American citizens!" Rachel and I just about died and screeched in unison from the back seat "THAT WAS OSMA!" And there was uproar from us and I think all my parents caught was me babbling how they had no connection and Rachel swearing they hate each other. Really, Rachel and I couldn't get over how naive my parents are. I mean I don't even watch news and I know these things (Thank you Daily Show, see they make stuff up but they still do talk about some politics. And they has politicians on and its good stuff. PS: Bill Clintons going on the Daily Show Monday I think.... must watch... and besides, real news is just hella depressing.)

Anyway, after that we went to like the last hour of the Sidney Arts and Music festival. And we saws Dann and James F. Dann was high so he wasn't very interesting to talk to. We all just kinda smile and nodded a bunch. Of course Flannery is a douche bag and passionatly hates me. I'm still unaware as to why, but frankly I don't care cause he's a dick head. And one less dick head in my life is always a positive thing. So we wandered away from them and ran into Tiphani Klugh...yay... She introduced us to some ghetto fly black kid named Adam who obsessivly showed off his tattoos. Apparently, the more ghetto fly you are the more tattoos you have. And this kid has his arms and back done and was wearing a du rag and a hat and like south pole clothes. He was definatly super dooper mega ghetto fly. And Tiphani definatly wanted to have lots and lots of sex with him. It was really sad. Then we inched away from them as quickly as possible and ran into Tommy Labar. Well, we saw him and I immediatly turned away in fear because I knew he would yell down the street "MY HORSE" and come galavanting over, trying to be cool and knowing it sounds like he just yelled my whores. Then he pronounces to all standing around I am his horse. At which point I smile, nod, wave, and look for an escape route. So anyway, we had inconspicuously followed this excessivly hot guy down the street. And I'm serious about being secretive. We don't even have to try at it. Who would honestly expect a pack of girls to be so desperate they follow a guy for half a block? No one. Its the perfect coverup really. And we saw Tommy and I immediatly turn, the Bookhouts... I love them dearly... but they stare and giggle and Tommy. So obviously he comes over and we do the usual (see above). Then they start playing hackey sack. I don't choose to join, because frankly I suck. Anyway then we got away from them and went home. And we did some dancing on main street it was fun. haha And then we retard ran home. Not Colleen retard run I did like the way little kids run where your arms like flail out and like windmill and your legs go real spastic. It was so fun! My neighbors stared though. lol

Okay so then my mom was all go to bed at 12! And we stayed up until 2 AM. And we made Rachel stay upwith us. MUWHAHAHAHAHA Rachel I'm sorry, I love you! lol My poor Rachel, she only wanted to sleep. lol And we just talked about pretty much nothing, well we did talk about somethings. Rachel of course giving out the deep meaningful questions through a haze of sleep and me and Becca asking stuff like "Whats the stupidist thing you've ever done." I'm glad Rachel was there to add intellegence to it all. lol

Then we slept.

Then we got up.

Then we ate breakfast.

Then we played more GTA3.

Then they went home.

And that was about it.

*Reverie*

If only rock and roll could save our lives.

-Code of Dissafirmation, ERIE

Btw!!!!! I made up a SUPER COOOL test. Okay its not THAT cool. But its fun. If you want me to email it to you email me and let me know. My email is: thepifflingpigeon@hotmail.com

I dunno, spontanious The Labyrnith moment. I should post some Labyrinth pictures on here cause I have that much of a life. This paticular shot is of Sir Didymus and his noble stead. Thier job is to gaurd the Bog of Eternal stench. Not that it really needs much gaurding but Sir Didymus is rather stupid. But very brave and loveable. Thusly why he is my favorite character in the movie.

Hey yall.

Okay, went to work today. Long story short I read my clock wrong and got there an hour early. I'm not gonna live this down for awhile. Alphabitized all day, but at the end did some invoices for Jill. She's trying to guilt me into working Fridays. Curse her. And I stayed a half hour later than usual to do the invoices which I didn't finish anyway but regardless.

Justin and I talked about Adams car today. Of course I wasn't much help to him. He asked whats under the hood. I said an engine. Then I told him about all of Adams action figures. I decided the cookie monster was also an action figure. Though Adam says its his goodluck charm. Superstious loser. haha And we talked about the seats in his car cause Adam has cool racer seats where you sit all low. And his little plasma TV screen thing in there. His car is fun, there be lotsa buttons and such.

I also listened to Melody's fun college party stories. It makes me want to go to college. No not just to party! Seriously. lol I don't even think I want to drink. Not being completly in control of my brain and my actions doesn't really appeal to me. But I mean, my own apartment (since I will probably live off campus) but I dorms will be good too. Cause most colleges you have to live in a dorm the first year. Or at least thats what I'm told. I guess it depends. Not that I even know what I want to do with myself in college. Like my majors and crap. No idea. Its not very cool. I'm runnin' out of years to pick. lol

Thats a scary thought too. I'm only going to live in this house full time for 2 more years. I mean that seems like awhile and I guess it is. But I mean thats the time between when I was a freshman until now. Thats not very long. What will I do without my madre and padre? But at the same time I'm starting to get like meh I want my own space. Ya know? maybe not I dunno. This doesn't make much sense does it?

Umm... I went to Kmart today. No Adam siteing but I saw Brad. Brad if your for some reason reading this do not change your hair! You have good hair! Sheesh. But I got a Hatebreed CD cause I lost my old one and it was only 12 bucks so I was like what the hell might as well. hehe I rhymed. And then I went to Tops and got more whipped cream in a can cause I finished off the first can like 2 days ago. That stuff has got to have cocaine in it because its highly addictive.

*breaks into hysterical tears* I just broke my favorite earrings! NOOOOOOO!!!! Earrings! Speak to me! Wow, I'm so dramatic.

OH! I had a dream last night that was SOO terrible! Okay in my dream I was brushing my teeth and suddenly I noticed they were cracked. So I poked the crack and like... the hard part of my teeth thats white was really like a layer and it just fell off. And under it was like pink muscle. Like it looked like muscle a human anatomy diagram. And like I freaked out and all my teeth started cracking the white parts were falling off and Stephanie was there and was like OMG and I'm like spitting out these teeth shells and I look in the mirror and I have like a gum smile. But I have teeth, but they just looked like a continuation of my gums. And I go to my mom "Mom what should I do? Look!" and I spit out a handful of teeth and my mom was like "Oh... well they can fix that. But we don't have the money right now so your going to have to wait." (the answer to all problems in my house...) I was even to poor in my dreams! What the crap is that about?! Ugh I still can't get over the horror of that dream...

Oh so an interesting observation. I sent out these stupid survey things to a couple of my friends and one of the questions was "what are you most afriad of" and the 2 I've gotten back thus far and my own all said "being alone" is that healthy? I dunno. They both are on anti depressents so that doesn't say much about me eh? lol Its okay. I love them oodles.

Alright, I am totally bored and I'm not going to waste perfectly good boredom on here. haha

*Reverie*

I wander home and stay up late, the brightest star keeps me awake. With a painted picture of the night we spent and glass is breaking in my car. Just from wondering where you are, when all the lights go out, its just regret. My motions ache and theres flooding in this room from all the heartbreak. So when I'm wrong about these actions that had once took place. My eyes will burn when I see your face. These hands are cold, the warmth of your body doesn't help at all. I'm sinking into your broken heat. I should've stayed away, I knew from the start that you would only think I was a mistake.

-All A Mistake, The Degenerates

We interupt the normal mundun pace of this blog with a superfuntabulous commerical:

Eat oatmeal.

We also have a commercial thats "almost as awesome" (As reported by some magazine!) as that one:

There will be a shindig at the end of this month. An end of the summer bash you ask? Mayhap. But we prefer to think of it as cultural greatness. If the apocolipse is coming even Mr. Rogers would want it to wait until August 27th. Why you ask? What is so amazing about August 27th? Our answer: Nothing. BUT! August 26th. Now thats a day. Because on August 26th, approximetly 4 1/2 hours after midday (midday = noon) there will be a phenominal line up of unloserish bands. Thats right folks! If your band sucks then thats why your not on here. The line up will include: Franny, ERIE, the angregents, abandonship, a call to armes, danger to the system, & destroy the modern day. A Hate So Perfect may play, hopefully not.. but we can't all have what we want now can we? It will be 4 measly dollars to get in, saying ahsp actually gets in thats 50 cents a band. Thats the best damn price you and your pathetic friends will ever see for such amazing talent in one room/yard. Whatever. If you don't totally suck ass you will go to this party. If you suck ass or enjoy listening to Nelly, do not go. You are not even invited. Go catch head lice. But for everyone else! Come to the party, eat, drink, and be merry. But by drink I mean nice nonalchoholic beverages cause these kids be straight edge and won't take none of that shiznic. And if you bring some we are gonna form a posse and they will tackle/dry hump you to the ground and then pinch your ears. And you don't want that to happen now do you? So in conclusion... come to this party. Unless you listen to Nelly, then go catch head lice.

The End.

Directions to the shindig: Its the big white house next to the car dealership before you turn to Afton Lake Rd.


End of commerical announcments.

All I have to say is:

CURSE YOU KEVIN GRUMBLE CAKES!

Okay done, speaking of homestarrunner.com I got a cool Trogdor the Burninator icon for my Ever And A Day sn. Everyone should check it out cause its super ghetto fly awesome.

-Heather

Who ever said, I needed you, lied. Who ever said, you knew the truth, lied. Who ever thought they knew my faith, lied. And if they think they know now, they fucking lie. They lie. Where are all your answers now that you've been called out? I kneel down and mourn for what we had. I can't be there for you now. Hear my voice of contention. It's sad you made me this way. Hear my voice of contention. It's so hard to see this end.

-Voice of Contention, Hatebreed

Todays blog will be about my job. My lovely job and the reasons I passionatly hate it.

a.) Alphabetizing... hours and hours and hours of alphabetizing. See, what they do is wait until we are 6 months behind in alphabetizing the invoices (in one month there is a little over 3 large boxes full of invoices) then make us spend an entire week only alphabetizing. I work a 6 hour day. 6 hours of alphabetizing... not healthy.

b.) Stuffing envelopes... hours.. and hours of stuffing envelopes. Its a bit like alphabetizing... like every 2 weeks we get like 5,000 statements that have to be sent out. All which must be folded and stuffed in envelopes. Thats like a 3 day project.

c.) The pay, my practically non-existant pay.

d.) The people, now most of them I have grown to love. But some... grr. They are so frickin' nosey and its like gah! Now may we all remember when the Trevor kid came and the tidal wave as I called it that followed. Well, since his screenname was forcefully given to me by Jill/Stacey people keep asking me if I've talked to him. Tuesday Becky loudly asked me infront of like 3 people if I had talked to "that boy" I said yes, I had this weekend for a little while. Then today she asked again... twice! GAH! Once when I was talking to Justin and Justin of course was like "whos this Trever kid I gotta beat up now?" haha he's be silly. And then she asked again with Melody there. And I told her the first time with Justin that yes, I had talked to him this past weekend for a couple minutes. This was before my lunch break, so she asks again after it if I had talked to him. I nicely repeated that I had talked to him this weekend, she replies "Well I know that I mean has he been in contact since then?" and shes giving me this look with like really big eyes and nodding her head like "its okay tell me!" My brain thinks: What the hell... been in contact since when? Two hours ago? But all I said was "umm.. no..." *goes back to alphbetizing...* I don't see why this is such a big deal... and Kathy asked me too but I didn't mind that cause she was nice and not loud and no one was around she just was like "have you talked to Trever" and I said yeah this weekend. And she was like "You just talked?" And I was like yeah... *not sure what was supposed to happen* "Are you guys going to get together sometime?" "Umm... not that I know of..." :/ "oh.." and then she left. Of course this isn't the first time my non existant love life has been shown off at the office. May we all remember when they tried to hook me up with a guy I didn't even like because he had a "nice name". Yeah they like Trevors name too so that must be it... its all in the name.

e.) My boss who somehow finds out everything... all the time... and tells my mom... everything. Of course my mom doesn't exact hold back on the details of anything involving me. And usual once my boss knows, everyone knows.

f.) Sitting in one spot for 6 hours... I can't do that. Not cool.

The job has its perks though I suppose.

Jill and the fart putty.

It involves no thought.

Feast days! MUWHAHAHAHA!! Feast days are Mirabito holidays, either made up or real where everyone brings a dish and we fill up the entire board room with food. Its a beautiful, beautiful thing.

I'm good at it (my job, not feast days... though I'm good at feast days too I guess,).


I dunno, the only perk I really enjoy is feast days. Thats something that only comes with Mirabitos. And if I can just stick it out for the rest of the summer I'll be back to only a couple hours a day like 2 days a week because dance class will once again be back in my life... *sigh* I miss you all so very much! Anyway, I can do it! For the feast days!!


My foot hurts..

Thats all for now.

*Reverie*

No lyrics today, I'm too sick of typing. Maybe some tonight.

I feel like going on an I miss Adam tangent and I confess it is taking ever ounce of will power to refrain from doing so. So instead I will talk about my day.

I woke up at the crack of noon and got ready for Brandon and Becca to come over. When they got there Brandon had brought me a suprise. How sweet. Then we went to the movie renter place and got Scary Movie 3 (even though I've seen it twice), and we got the large cheese pizza Brandon won yesterday. Then we went back to my house and watched the movie and ate the whole damn pizza and 2 boxes of girl scout cookies. Then we went and picked up Rachel at her job place and went back to my house and drank soda and ate chips and dip until like 5 and then we returned Scary Movie 3 and went to the pet store and looked at fishies. They were fun! I'm gonna smuggle a fish tank into my room some day cause I want a fish! Paticularly a little blue fishie with little yellow flippers. I saw one today the pet store and I love him!

Then I did nothing the rest of the day and now I'm on here. How exciting.

Thats it for the day. Look how good I refrained!

*Reverie*

In your own words could you tell me what this letter meant to you. "Seasons change as quick as feelings do." I said, do you get what I meant? All the while, I'm faking a smile in effort pretending to be sane. I wait, and wait, and wait, and wait for... autumn leaves to fall. So its getting colder, the days are shorter, the nights are longer now. The leaves hit the ground, our summers dead now. The bragging rights to the silly fights where be both knew that neither one was right.... I'd still "turn back time," I'd tell you how you're my best side and the only times that were justified was when.... I was in your arms... So its getting colder, the days are shorter the nights are longer now. Its the breaking sound of leaves and hearts on the ground.

-Finding Justice for Autumn, Stars In December


www.starsindecember.com

Sorry I have been so bad about bloggin' lately but I really don't have much to talk about. Friday I went to see Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. Sooo funny in that stupid stoner movie kinda way. Saturday... Saturday... man I don't remember... OH! I watched LOTR movies all day with my parents. And today I cleaned in the morning and then in a afternoon I went to go visit Becca when she was working at National Kids Day. Basically we sat around popping balloons and talking about nothing. I got much free stuffs (in order of coolness), including a shirt, 2 boxes of girlscout cookies, and a can a spray whip cream. I saw a couple people there a know that work at the club like Catie and Eric and Dan (I don't know him that good he's Brandons brother) and I saw Tommy L and thats be it. Tommy of course mauled me at all given chances when he was soaking wet. Damn you Tommy! But besides that it was good.

Adams working today so no hanging out with Adam.. :(

Becca and Brandon are coming over tomorrow! WHOOHOOO we's gonna watch movies and eat pizza and girl scout cookies!!! WHOOOHOOO

Thats all for now I have no interesting thoughts to share.

*Reverie*

This could be the very minute I'm aware I'm alive. All these places feel like home with a name I'd never chosen. I can make my first steps as a child of 25. This is the straw, final straw in the roof of my mouth as I lie to you. Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it at the time. You're the only thing that I love it scares me more every day. On my knees I think clearer , goodness I saw it coming or at least I'll claim I did. But in truth I'm lost for words. What have I done it's too late for that what have become truth is nothing yet. A simple mistake starts the hardest time I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time.

-Chocolate, Snow Patrol